In the late 90s, while I was still single, I met a young lady from India. We were part of the same Christian community for several months and it was not until circumstances sent us in different directions on the globe that I discovered that she had concealed a small crush on me.
This was revealed in a letter she sent several months after the fact. She was back in India and it was now safe to reveal her crush. She had not pursued me, she explained, because she was shy and, anyway, her family was quite traditional and the choice of a life partner rested solely in her parents' hands and not her own.
She wrote - and I believed her - that she was quite ok with the prospect of an arranged marriage. In fact, it was preferable to dating. It took the pressure off of her. Plus, she trusted that her parents had more wisdom in choosing the right man for her than she herself did.
At the time, I thought it was the saddest letter I had ever read.
Now? As a parent myself, I see a certain maturity in that solid trust in her parents (who loved her and wanted the best for her) and in the mistrust of her own perceptions.
Human beings are already 90% illogical. What can gum up the logical 10% of us faster or more completely than an intoxicating cocktail of hormones and "love"?
This is on my mind because I have a young friend who finds himself in a new, yet deeply troubled, marriage. And it was a marriage many people had advised against.
I know that "We told you so" is obviously not what he needs to hear right now, but what exactly DOES he need to hear?
Certainly, whatever I might advise him in the coming months, it is bound to be "easier said than done".
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