ALTERNATE TIMELINES

During one long stretch of yesterday's drive to New Jersey, I began to contemplate my recent deep funk and, of course, revisited the question of whether it was based on circumstances or genuine depression. 

And then I had this weird thought and it's kind of hard to describe, but I will put it this way: maybe my funk is due to neither circumstances nor chemical imbalances but, rather, is a result of my current experience being out of sync with "what was supposed to be". It's like I am living in an alternate timeline where my spirit feels completely out of place and out of time.

(It makes sense in my head.)

Melissa and I had talked in recent years about the possibility that we would live and work in Haiti until Samuel graduated from high school. So, the (tentative) plan went like this: after Samuel graduated from Cap-Haitien Christian School, we would pack up, say our goodbyes, and start something new based back in Indiana, where we could be close to our three college-aged kids and where Sarah could start and finish her high school career. 

But those plans got altered during the spring of 2020 - not only by Covid, but more drastically by, let's say, one who "bore false witness" against us. And if our sending agency had had a bit more discernment, a bit more wisdom, a bit more competency, and a bit more grace, the timeline would not have been altered in any significant way and we would have been back in Haiti throughout this past school year as planned.

As I was mulling these thoughts over in my mind during this terrible, long, stressful drive yesterday, it occurred to me that my mood for the day was not all that bad, all things considered. In fact, I was feeling pretty good. 

And then it struck me: after an ugly and painful detour, we had suddenly rejoined that previous timeline! Watching my Haitian students graduate from a distance was really gut-wrenching last weekend. But THIS weekend? This weekend we are in New Jersey for Haley's wedding celebration and I know that if we had finished the year in Haiti, and even finished our time altogether in Haiti, we would have flown back to the States in time for this weekend's events. 

The ugly experiences of this alternate timeline have come to an end after nearly a year and a half and, as of this weekend, we have rejoined the happier timeline. 

And my mood is lifted.