THE BIBLE ON LYING

Maybe it's a result of our truth bias - that we just don't notice the lies around us. Maybe it's our tendency to minimize our own sins. But it seems to me that we underestimate the gravity of lying as a sin. 

The Bible has some serious, serious warnings against lying found throughout both the Old and New Testaments. God does not take lying lightly. 

Proverbs 6:16-19 well represents God's attitude towards lies as well as some of the other sinful behaviors He associates with lying:

"There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers."

Lying is "an abomination" in God's eyes! It is a behavior He HATES. I am not sure Scripture could put it any more sternly. 

We need to disabuse ourselves of the notion that lying is no big deal. 

TRUTH BIAS

Here's another psychological phenomenon that has fascinated me since I became aware of it this past year: Truth Bias.

In essence, we all think we have a built in truth detector. We are certain we could recognize the "tells" in the face of a liar - the inability to look us in the eye, a telltale smirk, or a bit of sweat on the brow. 

In reality, we are unduly predisposed towards believing other people and absolutely lousy at picking up on lies. 

I guess that makes sense. In order for society to function, we can't be questioning every little thing people say or everything we read. 

But this inherent "truth bias" leaves us vulnerable to lies of all sorts - from little white lies to propaganda. And in this age, those lies can come from all directions - from strangers to co-workers to news media. 

In my experience, the biggest trouble comes from those individuals who have discovered through time and experience that they will be believed automatically even when they lie. Or, at the very least, they can sow enough uncertainty to stir up plenty of drama and gain allies. They seem to intuit the truth bias in others and take great advantage of it. 

I have watched quite a few of these types on TV over the years. And I have known a few personally in my lifetime. 

Have you?

TOILET REPAIR LESSONS

Today felt like the first real day of my summer break since I have just recovered from a two week sinus infection and my mini-job of monitoring summer school ended last Friday. 

So I was read to tackle a couple of items on my to-do list.

I watched a YouTube video on fixing a leak around the base of a toilet. I needed to fix the leaky toilet in the basement before I can get to Melissa's top priority on my list: Patching the tiling in the downstairs bathroom. 

The YouTube Guy said that a plumber would charge me $250 to $350 for this job, but I could do it myself for about 20 bucks in supplies and ONLY 20 MINUTES OF MY TIME.

As I finished reattaching the toilet around 10 pm, I can now assure you that the YouTube Guy was full of crap.

What I learned on YouTube and what I learned over the proceeding ten hours (off and on) was vastly different. One was lecture and one was hands-on. 

The lecture part was easy and I learned theory. 

The hands-on part was gross and smelly but I learned reality.

So ... at least I learned quite a bit today.

(At the end of the day I am TENTATIVELY declaring victory over the leak. It is "tentative" because I know how these things go. I need a few days to confirm.)

THE HABIT LOOP IN THE BIBLE

Jesus tackles the possible pitfall of three ostensibly good habits during his Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 6: 

• Giving to the needy (6:2)
• Praying (6:5)
• Fasting (6:16)

All three fall under the umbrella of "practicing your righteousness in front of others" and the pitfall lurks in the motivation.

His warning is interesting in light of what Charles Duhigg calls the "habit loop" in The Power of Habit:

(Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit page 19)

Here's Jesus's warning: "Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your father in heaven." (Matt 6:1)

Ultimately, the question Jesus poses for each of these righteous routines - charity, prayer, or fasting - is this: What motivates you? Duhigg and Jesus employ the same term: What reward will this habit bring you?

Jesus frames it as an audience dichotomy: you either perform your righteous acts for other people or for God. 

If you seek to be raised in the estimation of people around you, then when that happens, it will be all you get.

On the other hand, if your desire is to obey and to please the Lord, then "your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you" (Matt 6:4, 6, and 18).

It is interesting that Jesus does not elaborate one bit on what sort of reward God bestows on those who give and pray and fast in private. Or when he bestows these rewards. 

In the present moment, then, our reward should be the knowledge that we are pleasing God. 

(But many of us have a hard time imagining anything we do actually pleases God, don't we?)

THE POWER OF HABIT: BREAKING BAD ONES

The "habit loop" described by Charles Duhigg in The Power of Habit holds the key to breaking free from bad habits.

Do you find yourself regularly repeating some routine behavior even though you recognize it as entirely undesirable - because it is unhealthy, dangerous, embarrassing, wasteful or expensive? 

The key to breaking free, according to Duhigg and behavioral scientists, lies not so much in willpower as in understanding two things:

1) What cue triggers the routine?

And

2) What reward does the routine deliver?

Both require some degree of introspection and discernment, but number 1 might be a bit easier to nail down than number 2.

Examples of cues would include a mid-morning lull in one's workload that triggers a desire for a snack. Or a brief suggestive image that appears on a website's sidebar that triggers a desire to indulge in a few minutes of pornography. 

The reward might be tougher to get a grip on. It isn't necessarily obvious. The mid-morning snack may be more about being bored than being hungry. The pornography routine may be more directly related to escaping reality, boosting self-esteem, or self-soothing than sexual desire per se. 

Regardless, once the cue and the reward are identified, a little creativity is required: find a positive routine that can deliver the same reward and substitute it for the bad routine the next time that cue fires. 

So, for example, the next time that mid-morning lull hits, let it remind you that you are simply a bit bored. And instead of reaching for a snack, go for a quick walk to break the monotony. As you walk, notice and appreciate what is really going on around you. 

In effect, Duhigg is claiming a bad habit is not ever truly broken; instead, it must be supplanted by a good habit. 

POWER OF HABIT: THE LOOP

 We have all heard it said: "Knowledge is power". 

So true. And I would add "Self knowledge is the greatest power of all". 

In his book on habits, Charles Duhigg unveils a potent bit of self knowledge, what he calls the "habit loop". It is the basic structure of any habit - good or bad - and familiarity with it puts us back in the driver seat when it comes to starting new good habits or breaking bad habits. 

It is not just a matter of willpower, as I have assumed throughout most of my life.

The habit loop is a system that operates within the brain to save it from the exhaustion of making and remaking thousands of little decisions on a daily basis. 

In essence, if the brain recognizes a certain action regularly tends to pay off in a particular reward, it will place the routine on a loop that gets kicked off each time a particular cue presents itself.

We're not too different from the lab rat placed in a box where a wall slides away with a click and the rat finds his way through a maze to a chunk of chocolate. The rat will quickly learn the maze and the click cue will trigger a craving for the reward and instantly engage the routine that will take the rat scurrying directly towards the reward.

The author illustrates it this way:

(Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit page 19)

For now let's stick to how knowledge of the habit loop makes it possible to start a good habit fairly easily:

The key to starting a new good habit is to establish a particular cue and an appropriate reward for the routine you want to start. 

Want to read the Bible on a regular basis? Pick a cue, like starting the coffee maker in the morning. Start the coffee brewing, read for five minutes and then pour a cup of coffee as your reward. Repeat for several days, and before you know it, you have a new habit. 

Eventually, each morning as soon as you click the "On" button, you will actually have a desire to sit down with your Bible.

It's not a question of willpower but rather brain mechanics.

That's some powerful knowledge.

GOOD DESIGN

There is something about innovative design that just gives me a buzz and garners my admiration. Especially if it involves finding a new and better way of doing something that had not even been questioned before.

Take lamp shades. Beautiful once in place, but rigid, fragile, and bulky for shipping, storing or moving. 

In a day when everything needs to be compactly shippable from door to door, how do you handle lamp shades?

Today I put together three lamps - two table tops and a matching floor lamp - in Melissa's remodeled office. Unassembled, all three lamps and their shades were encased in Styrofoam and shipped in a box that was maybe a foot and a half square and a foot deep. 

Look how they solved the lampshade issue. The three lampshades were completely collapsed like this:

Three brackets easily snapped into place for each shade:

The material is pulled taut and the shade is good to go:

The final product:

I guess what appeals to me is this implied message: Don't settle for the way things have always been - maybe there's a better way to get the job done.

POWER OF HABIT

I have started to reread Charles Duhigg's The Power of Habit. It's a fascinating book and so incredibly relevant.

And here's what I mean by relevant: "One paper published by a Duke University researcher in 2006 found that more than 40 percent of the actions people performed each day weren't actual decisions, but habits." (xvi)

Let that sink in: almost half of what the average person does during any given day is simply acting out habits, for better or for worse.

As I write this, it is nearly midnight, I am hopped up on Nyquil, and my head hurts. But I have created a habit since the start of 2021 of writing something for this blog each day. And now it has become almost automatic. Since the first month, I don't even find myself ever slipping into bed having forgotten to write. 

It just happens now. Every day. No matter how I feel or what else is going on. 

I need to put serious thought into creating other positive habits! 

FLAT TIRE - COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE

I was down this morning because a sinus infection kept me from spending the day on the roller coasters of King's Island. 

A three hour nap after lunch was ended by a phone call from Caleb: "I lost a tire."

That was his description of having a complete blowout of the front driver's side tire while driving 75 mph down the interstate, boxed in by other vehicles to where he had no choice but to steer into the median! 

Again, I am left thankful that worse did not happen. He easily could have been spending the night in the hospital. 

Anyway, we found out his vehicle's insurance does not include roadside assistance, so he renewed efforts to track down his car's spare. (And learned that spare tires are often cleverly hidden.)

I was making my way towards him in the minivan while he was jacking his car up and swapping the tire out, but he was over an hour away. 

At one point he called to say that the spare was on but it used different lug nuts and they were impossible to tighten completely. 

Caleb tightened them as best he could and then started to inch his way toward the next available exit, less than two miles up. When the tire started to shake, he pulled off the highway again, this time on the shoulder opposite the median. He had made about 20 feet of progress.

A few minutes later I arrived to discover that he had put the lug nuts on upside down. THAT is why they were impossible to tighten. (I can't mock him for it - I remember doing the exact same thing the first time I ever changed a tire.) 

But he was right on the other matter: They WERE a different size than the regular lug nuts and more deeply set in the rim, making it impossible to use the tire iron effectively.

Fortunately, Caleb keeps a tool kit in his car - he just hadn't thought of it. There was a basic ratchet set inside that did the job perfectly.

All five nuts got tightened completely and we eventually drove off to put some air in the spare and continue with the evening plans. 

I always figure there's a lesson in these sorts of headaches. But I am too headachy to figure it out tonight. 

SHORTCUT

I have been monitoring summer school about every other day for the past few weeks. There's not much teaching involved. 

All of the curriculum is online and the students move along through lessons and tests at their own pace. I have a dashboard that lets me see if they are on pace to finish on time or not and allows me to unlock tests for second and third attempts.

Now and then, a student will ask for help. 

Usually on a test. 

I help anyway, as long as it is one of the smaller "mastery" tests and not a unit test. 

Many students have figured out a shortcut. Instead of truly engaging with the material taught in each section, they go straight to the mastery test and take it, guessing all the way. Although the program does not automatically give all the correct answers at the end of the five question test, it does show the student which answers they got right. The student takes the test again. Some of the same questions may or may not get repeated. 

If a student takes the test enough times and tracks which answers he got correct, eventually he can get an 80% and the program will let him continue on to the next lesson.

The problem is ... he will have learned absolutely nothing along the way.

And eventually there comes the 30 question Unit Test! And it counts for a much bigger portion of the overall grade. 

Sadly, the students are often scoring between 10 and 25% on the Unit Tests. Some will finish the course but won't have a high enough grade to get the credit.

The shortcut turns out to be a dead-end.

As for me, I feel like maybe I have been looking for a shortcut to my next stage of life and career. Maybe I need to slow down and pay attention to the present lessons, knowing that it is going to take some time and there's no way around that.

THE EVER-EVOLVING JOB OF FATHERHOOD

Among dozens of things "they" don't tell you about being a father, there's this: the job is constantly evolving.

As soon as you've mastered the art of diaper changes, protecting favorite stuffed animals from being lost or misplaced, and finding your kids' shoes when it's time to leave the house, you get bumped up to the next playing level. 

Then starts school stuff with separation anxieties (on both sides!) and projects and school plays. 

And sports and dance classes and cub scouts.

Now I've advanced to car questions and career advice and workplace hassles. 

This Father's Day felt like I have one foot squarely in a familiar previous level and one tentatively in the next. The great unknown. 

Take a look at my gifts:

When did my kids start buying me Scotch Whiskey for Father's Day? (Well, they didn't - the oldest is still just 20. So they needed Melissa's help with that one.) And on the flip side, I also get the homemade card and ... a hand-painted ornament of some sort? Granted, the card is no longer addressed to "dady", but still it's a throwback to a previous level. And for that I am thankful. 

Who knows what new skills are required in this next level? 

Like the other levels, I guess I will find out what is needed along the way and take my best shot. Fortunately, so far my kids have made it fairly easy on me. Fingers crossed that that will continue!

I am blessed. And continue learning on the job.

 

WELL DONE, GOOD AND FAITHFUL MINIVAN

Yesterday we said goodbye to the minivan which served us well the past four years. 

This little Honda Odyssey was given to us by a sweet and gracious family who had served for a time in Haiti themselves. Such a generous gift at a time when we had no idea how we would be getting around during another summer in the States. 

More recently she served as Samuel's main transportation until some transmission and brake issues sidelined her permanently.

She had 225,000 miles on her.

A few weeks ago, a man knocked at our door. He must have noticed the van had not moved in a while. He offered me $250 for her. 

I was tempted. But then he said why he wanted the van: he planned to get her running enough to enter in a demolition derby. 

Call me sentimental, but I could not bear the thought of someone intentionally crashing this van for sport and so I turned him away. 

Instead she's off to the junkyard where hopefully her battery and tires and other parts will get put to good use elsewhere. 

We would be ungrateful not to pause in this moment to recognize again how blessed we have been. We are thankful to the God who provides and for the faithful hands through which He has done so time and again, like those of the Mokma family. 

AN UNBELIEVABLE PLACE

 A follow up on yesterday's post regarding Edgar Allan Poe's advice to "believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see":

I was listening to a podcast this afternoon as I did some painting in Melissa's office at work. It was a longform conversation between Dr. Jordan Peterson and Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman. 

I wasn't familiar with Kaufman, but Peterson is pretty famous these days in certain circles and I find him a fascinating individual. He is a clinical psychologist, a bestselling author and a university professor. 

The guy is super intelligent and I was following along with about 50% of the podcast conversation this afternoon. Fascinating stuff about IQ tests and cognitive studies and whatnot.

And then I run across this retweet from Dr. Peterson on Twitter:

"Wow."

Now, maybe I am just a born skeptic, but I took one look at this place and thought, "That's fake". So I looked at the comments beneath the original posting from "Archaeo - History" and half the commenters were saying they wanted to buy a plane ticket and half were saying "photoshop!".

The photoshop crowd was correct. Someone posted this photo as proof:

Sorry, Dr. Peterson.

It just goes to show:

1) You can't always believe your own eyes

and

2) It has nothing to do with intelligence. 

We are trusting creatures, for better or for worse.

LISTEN TO POE

"Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see." 

It's good advice. 

I tend to think of this quote in the context of media and internet content. It is certainly wise to discount most of what one reads and sees and hears online or on the TV. And if not discount, then we should exercise a healthy skepticism at least. 

Imagine the arguments that could be avoided and the outrage we could be spared. There is no doubt our collective blood pressure would drop back into safe ranges.

But consider the source of the quote above. It was written by Edgar Allan Poe in a short story entitled The System of Dr. Tarr and Prof. Fether.

Published in 1845.

One hundred and seventy-six years ago! 

Poe was obviously not referencing the internet or cable news. 

"Mass media" in his day would have gone no further than newspapers, books and assorted periodicals. 

He was obviously talking primarily about personal conversations and gossip and such. 

Obviously it is exaggeration to advise people to believe NOTHING of what they hear and only HALF of what they see. 

But HOW exaggerated?

HENRY FORD WAS RIGHT

 At the beginning of this past semester, I gave my students the famous quote by Henry Ford and asked them to respond to it:

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't - you're right!"

It can come across as little more than a cheesy motivational poster caption, but I think Ford was onto something incredibly profound. 

If you think about it, in a wider sense, Ford is saying that reality is entirely determined between our ears. 

This is something I have been thinking about for the past year or more: I don't have direct access to reality. Reality is ALWAYS filtered through my senses and into my brain where it is reassembled and then ... interpreted. 

And my interpretation of what is going on around me is going to play the primary role in what I say and think and do. 

(P.S. This is one of the reasons I am so concerned over the possibility I am experiencing some (mild) form of depression. If my interpretation of reality all trends toward negativity and hopelessness, I am going to speak and think and act negatively and hopelessly.

And I won't be much fun to be around.)

CULTURE WAR

Judging from clickbait stories on conservative media platforms, many American Christians seem to think the major fronts in the "culture wars" are places like the local public library where Christians must take up arms to push back against the advances of squads of drag queens with their story hours. 

But it seems to me that as the salt and light of the church wanes, there will be much worse ramifications than men in giant, outlandish wigs and overdone makeup reading books to a group of children. (As bad as that may be.)

I see two growing trends that point to the lessening of the church's influence. They go hand in hand and will result in widespread destruction if allowed to continue unchecked: The rise of self-righteousness and the decline of forgiveness. 

Have you noticed? It's culture-wide and it's truly ugly.

Drag Queen Story Hour is small potatoes. 

ONE OF A KIND

Yesterday we hosted an open house to celebrate Samuel's graduation from high school - another impossible milestone. 

I must say I am proud of how much he made of his high school years and this year in particular - teaching himself computer coding, pulling off a successful senior project, acting in the school play, and helping out with our church's kids ministry every weekend. All while holding down a part-time job. 

A few weeks ago Samuel and I walked around Columbus on a Saturday afternoon to shoot some senior pictures on the cheap. Towards the end of our time, I asked him to sit on the courthouse steps because I had in mind a photo I had taken during his childhood.

Here he is as a senior:

And this is Samuel just a few days before:

As I searched for photos of Samuel to put on display at his open house, I found several cute and precious poses like the one above, but MILLIONS more like these:

When I reviewed what I had gotten for senior pictures, I was comforted in seeing that even though time keeps moving forward, some things never change:

He's a goofball. 

ADMITTING DEFEAT

In a first this blog just allowed the internet to swallow what I was writing for the day. No trace is left. And I am just too tired to start over. I suppose it is a sign of wisdom and maturity to know when to just admit defeat and head off to bed. 

“While one may encounter many defeats, one must not be defeated.”
― Maya Angelou

I encountered a defeat tonight, but I am far from defeated!

“Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.”
― George E. Woodberry

And I DID try!

ALAN G.

There is a good reason why I remember Alan G. as the guy who put his jock on backwards. 

It was the first day of 7th grade. My classmates and I were at the junior high now - a building much bigger and more intimidating than any of the grade schools we had previously attended. And one of the scariest things in my anxious 13 year old brain was gym class.

Unlike grade school, the junior high had a locker room. And for 7th grade gym class all the students had to physically change into gym clothes at the beginning of the period. Worse yet, all the boys were required to wear a jockstrap; it was on the school supply list.

That first day of school, my brand new jockstrap was still in the box, in my gym bag. Phys Ed occupied an afternoon slot on my schedule, after lunch, and I was dreading it all morning.

So it didn't help that at the lunch table the big conversation was what happened in the locker room during an earlier gym class.

"Did you hear what Alan G. did this morning in the locker room?"

"What did he do?"

"The guy put his jock on backwards! Can you believe it?"

There was universal disbelief and laughter around the table. I chuckled a bit on the outside, but on the inside, my mind was racing: Did I know how to put on a jockstrap? Isn't it obvious - like underwear? But it's NOT underwear. 

Mom had bought the thing but I had avoided even looking at the box it was in, it was so embarrassing to think about.

A new fear gripped me in that moment: Would I become "Alan G. the Second"? Would everyone be laughing about ME at tomorrow's lunch?

It put a huge knot in my stomach. (I spent most of my early schooling with a variety of knots in my stomach.)

You can imagine my relief a couple of periods later when I sat on that bench in the locker room, and slowly pulled the jockstrap from its box. 

Praise God, it was totally obvious! 

(Ha, ha. That Alan G. - what an idiot!)

The fact that this is THE clearest memory I have from my entire 7th grade school year makes me wonder about this aspect of our memories: Why are traumatic or embarrassing moments etched into our memories so much deeper than all the happy moments?

One of my earnest hopes for Heaven is that our memories will be perfectly restored. There are so very many profoundly happy moments I cannot now recall - even within the last twenty years when my kids were small. I want to relive those happy moments, every single one.

And I'm not at all worried that a perfect memory in Heaven would also bring all the sad, traumatic or fearful memories to life again too. I am pretty sure that in the joy of eternity, my worst memories will seem as ultimately insignificant as my fears over 7th grade gym class. 

MEMORY IS AN ODD THING

Things I can't remember:

• How to spell "occasionally". (It took me two tries just now to get rid of the squiggly red line that appeared after my first attempt.)
• The plot of any movie I haven't watched five or more times. 
• The steps required to create and print address labels for Christmas cards or graduation announcements.
• The content of most classes I have taken in my lifetime from kindergarten through seminary - and the names of most of the teachers and professors who taught those classes.
• Certain words I am trying to use in conversation on any particular day.

Things I can remember:

• The name of my classmate who accidentally put his jock on backwards while dressing for gym class on the first day of 7th grade. 

His name was Alan G.*

And the jock thing is absolutely the only thing I recall about him. 

(* I actually remember his full name, but I didn't want to write it out here in case he ever does a Google search. Can you imagine searching your own name and finding out that this incident was still "out there" and now has its own little page on the world wide web 40 years later?)

UNTOUCHABLE DEMOCRACY

It has become very fashionable in the U.S. in recent years to criticize capitalism as an economic system - the endemic greed and self-interest. I think such criticism can be useful to a certain degree, as a counterbalance to the many folks on the right who have held capitalism so sacrosanct that NONE of its weaknesses or abuses can even be acknowledged, much less addressed. 

I say let's hear the criticism. It will help keep capitalism's excesses in check. 

I've been wondering lately, though, with all the harsh judgment of capitalism as an economic system, why democracy as a governing system gets a free pass - on both sides of the aisle. Why is capitalism fair game for condemnation while democracy seems entirely off limits?

Why in the world do we seem to believe that if you can get a big enough group of people to agree on something that they will always necessarily come to a conclusion which is good and right and just? 

Even more curious is this: how is this high regard for democracy maintained when the common current perception for most people on any given controversial topic is that half the population is misinformed, stupid and/or evil?

It is good to keep in mind that democracy has been defined as "two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch" (but not by Benjamin Franklin, as the internet would have it).  

Just like with capitalism, I am not saying there's a better option than democracy, just that we should not pretend like it's infallible. 

FIXING PROBLEMS IN EDUCATION

I spent the day in Indianapolis at a teacher training session about how to include students with learning disabilities more fully in the general education classes of schools. 

So we spent a lot of time talking about how each class of the school day should be designed in such a way to meet ALL the needs of EVERY student. (And it was good and useful stuff, don't get me wrong.)

Along about mid-afternoon, in a brief aside, the presenter bemoaned the fact that we expect students to sit through 7 or 8 different subjects every day. 

I think she called it "crazy". 

And I happen to agree. 

But if the system is crazy, why should we expend effort to integrate the students with learning disabilities into that very system?

It's like fixing the door on a shed that is on the verge of utter collapse - roof, windows, walls and floor. 

TWO DOGS

When we returned from our long weekend in New Jersey, both of our dogs went nuts to see us home again - barking, jumping, and running in circles. Grandma Trudy was more reserved, but she had to be at least a little excited to be relieved of dog-sitting duties. 

Although the dogs had similar reactions initially, once some semblance of routine was reestablished later in the evening, the dogs behaved quite differently.

Our Haitian rescue dog, Ginger, was unusually affectionate. She's a little too big to be a lap dog, but she desperately wanted to get close to Sarah and joined her on a kitchen chair just to be close to her.

So sweet:

Our prissy little American dog, Sugar, seemed a little sad that Grandma Trudy was no longer dog-sitting, since now the doggy treat pipeline was cut off. She sat outside the cabinet where the treats are kept and whined for five minutes. 

So ornery:

COINCIDENCES

I realized long ago that I don't have to worry about hearing God's voice when I am at a crossroad, fearing I might miss what God would direct. 

What I realized was this: God knows me so well that he knows exactly how to get my attention, exactly what will catch my ear. If I am sincere in wanting to know God's direction for my life, I can be confident he will get through to me clearly.

God made us as unique creatures, so this differs for each person. I don't know how God chooses to speak to you, but here's what God knows will speak to me: nature, music, irony and weird coincidences. 

As I have mentioned here, I am currently pondering my third career - after youth ministry and teaching. What does the Lord have in mind for me: do I keep teaching? Go back into ministry? Something else entirely?

So here's a weird coincidence: A few nights ago, in relation to finding new deep friendships (not as a serious possible next step) I jokingly wrote "Maybe I should go back to school". 

Then a day or two later, during the wedding reception, while talking to my friend Matt, who is now the president of a seminary in Mississippi, I mentioned that I was feeling a bit adrift with my calling/career. And he said point blank: "Whenever I hear someone say they're not sure what to do, I give the same advice every time: 'Go back to school!'" 

Then he told me about a unique opportunity through his school and I am definitely planning to look into it. (I have no choice - Matt can be wonderfully persistent. He has already emailed me a whole bunch of information.) I will gladly tell you more if/when I move forward ...

Until then, I humbly request your prayers for discernment.

(P.S. To be clear, this would not entail full-time enrollment, uprooting the family, or quitting my current job. It would be in "addition to" rather than "instead of".)

HOW TO RECOGNIZE A GIFTED PREACHER

After a fantastic day at the beach, we were able to make it back to Phil and Emily's place in time to catch Matt Ayars preaching at a local church. 

We've missed sitting under Matt's teaching. When we lived in Haiti, our missionary group gathered every Wednesday afternoon for prayer and Bible study, with Matt typically in charge of the Bible time. 

Anyway, tonight Matt spoke on Spiritual Warfare ... for an HOUR. And I would have been perfectly happy to keep listening. 

Matt demonstrated these traits of a truly gifted preacher: 

• Has more to say about God and Scripture than what could possibly be said in 20 minutes. 

• Is excited to share what Scripture teaches.

• Reframes biblical truths in such a way that the listener feels challenged in fresh ways to live up to God's will. 

It was a fantastic way to end a fantastic weekend. Tomorrow brings the long, sad drive back to Indiana. 

RECEPTION

It was a wonderful day celebrating the marriage of Haylie and Braden Porter. 

Haylie and her brother Ethan are the best friends our kids made on the mission field. And their parents, Phil and Emily, have been good friends to Melissa and me as well - for many years now. Their family served at Emmaus University, just down the road from Cap-Haitien Christian School. 

Now they are back living and working in New Jersey. Haylie and Braden actually got married a year ago, so today's reception was a year in the making, thanks to Covid. 

It was a backyard reception at Phil and Emily's house and there were plenty of helpers, so it was a fairly relaxed day of preparation. 

Melissa and I snuck away for a bike ride for a few minutes. There's a state park literally across the street. 

One of the highlights of the day was another Haiti reunion - this one with the Ayars family, who also served at Emmaus. Their daughter Lilly was one of Sarah's best friends in Haiti. 

Good times. Good times!

ALTERNATE TIMELINES

During one long stretch of yesterday's drive to New Jersey, I began to contemplate my recent deep funk and, of course, revisited the question of whether it was based on circumstances or genuine depression. 

And then I had this weird thought and it's kind of hard to describe, but I will put it this way: maybe my funk is due to neither circumstances nor chemical imbalances but, rather, is a result of my current experience being out of sync with "what was supposed to be". It's like I am living in an alternate timeline where my spirit feels completely out of place and out of time.

(It makes sense in my head.)

Melissa and I had talked in recent years about the possibility that we would live and work in Haiti until Samuel graduated from high school. So, the (tentative) plan went like this: after Samuel graduated from Cap-Haitien Christian School, we would pack up, say our goodbyes, and start something new based back in Indiana, where we could be close to our three college-aged kids and where Sarah could start and finish her high school career. 

But those plans got altered during the spring of 2020 - not only by Covid, but more drastically by, let's say, one who "bore false witness" against us. And if our sending agency had had a bit more discernment, a bit more wisdom, a bit more competency, and a bit more grace, the timeline would not have been altered in any significant way and we would have been back in Haiti throughout this past school year as planned.

As I was mulling these thoughts over in my mind during this terrible, long, stressful drive yesterday, it occurred to me that my mood for the day was not all that bad, all things considered. In fact, I was feeling pretty good. 

And then it struck me: after an ugly and painful detour, we had suddenly rejoined that previous timeline! Watching my Haitian students graduate from a distance was really gut-wrenching last weekend. But THIS weekend? This weekend we are in New Jersey for Haley's wedding celebration and I know that if we had finished the year in Haiti, and even finished our time altogether in Haiti, we would have flown back to the States in time for this weekend's events. 

The ugly experiences of this alternate timeline have come to an end after nearly a year and a half and, as of this weekend, we have rejoined the happier timeline. 

And my mood is lifted. 

NEW JERSEY TRIP

 I was tempted to skip out on this trip. First, because I've been in a funk. Second, because there's so much work to be done around our place before Samuel's graduation open house on June 13. And third, because it was going to be 11 hours of driving to New Jersey, three days of visiting with friends, and then another day of driving home. Quick trip. 

But I knew Melissa wouldn't like the idea of making the trip without me and, besides, this might be it for family trips this summer. So I decided skipping out wasn't a real option.

About 14 hours into our 11 hour drive today, I was questioning my decision. (Rain, traffic, and more rain.)

But once we arrived and saw and heard this:

... I knew it was going to be a great weekend. 

We're here with our good friends the Heckmans for a Covid-delayed wedding celebration for their daughter Haylie (one of our Hannah's dearest friends). 

And I am glad I am part of it. 

ESSENTIALS

Yesterday I wrote about my funk and how I wonder if it might be depression. A dear brother in Christ commented:

"I don't know the answer to that question but I love you, brother. Make sure you're covering the essentials (exercise, good diet, friendship, time with the Lord). If those are covered and don't help, it's worth seeking out a professional counselor." 

I think those are pretty wise words. 

I've got 3 out of those 4 "essentials" pretty well in hand: 

    - I exercise on a regular basis.

    - My diet isn't perfect, but I am pretty sure it is far better than the standard American diet (SAD 😉). 

    - My time with the Lord is healthy. Actually, I don't know that it has ever been stronger or more consistent than it currently is. 

But that other essential - friendship - that one feels like it has been lacking for YEARS.

It's not that I don't have some very good friends currently. I just don't necessarily have the kind of strong, deep friendships I've known and enjoyed in the past. 

When I think about it, my deepest friendships are all associated with various stages in my schooling:

• Pete in grade school and junior high.
• Mike, Tim, and Scott in high school.
• Mark in college.
• Tim and Jamie in seminary.

I guess I have found it difficult to find and properly maintain and grow friendships since moving into the "married adult" stage of life. I don't think I am at all unique in this respect. At least, not among men. 

(Somehow women seem to have an easier time of nurturing friendships even during - and maybe even especially during - the busy, stressful, married with kids stage of life. 

How do they do that?)

Maybe I need to go back to school! 

QUICK QUESTION - WITH NO EASY ANSWER

I am currently several weeks (or months?) into an extended funk. How does one know the difference between a funk and something more serious, like depression? 

All I know is that I don't feel like myself. And I feel like I have to exert effort to avoid sucking the joy out of anybody I am around. (And sometimes I fail.)

I am trying to figure out if this is circumstantial and temporary or if something got busted inside me.

I'm sincerely hoping it is just circumstantial.