ON SECOND THOUGHT

Late last night I published a post that I woke up this morning feeling uncomfortable about. So I unpublished it. 

I have occasionally found myself composing a difficult and emotionally charged email and then soon regretting having hit "send". So I have learned to allow a charged email to sit tight as a draft for at least 24 hours before launch. Sometimes after 24 hours such an email gets a major revision, sometimes it gets replaced by a face-to-face meeting, and sometimes it just gets deleted altogether. 

Last night I allowed my self-imposed 'blogging-daily' deadline to overrule my gut telling me to hold off at least 24 hours on what I had written. Fortunately, this blog, unlike email, has an "unpublish" button.  

To be clear, I did not write anything intentionally offensive or hurtful or even controversial. It was actually fairly vague and centered on a current events story that mirrors our experience this past year in a few ways. But if there is anything I have learned over the past year, it is that communication can and will go wrong in a hundred different unanticipated ways, especially when people start reading between the lines. 

And reading between the lines is what my post encouraged.

Someday (perhaps) the time will be right to share more detail regarding our 2020 experience from my perspective. But for now it seems best for me to continue "to try to understand others" rather than "to be understood". 

(If you are dying of curiosity, I continue to be more than willing to share more about my experience with friends over a cup of coffee or on the phone. I just don't want to air anything publicly that could cause trouble for other individuals or organizations. I do not seek revenge, even unintentional revenge.) 

CAN YOU TURN OFF FACEBOOK MEMORIES?

I used to absolutely love the "memories" function but now it is why I am keeping my distance from Facebook these days. Seven incredible years with hundreds of incredible people have left behind too many incredible memories. And they are just too fresh to be anything but painful currently. I know that somewhere down the line they will be happy reminders once again, but for now I just can't bear to look at them.

I guess I am feeling a little down about being away from Haiti tonight. These feelings - regret, anger, disbelief - come and go, but generally I am an optimist and find plenty of reasons to "look on the bright side" of every situation. And there's plenty to be grateful for here in Indiana - especially lately as warmer days have melted away the snow and ushered in the first realistic hopes for spring.

Nevertheless, a year ago we were happily serving in Haiti, unaware of the gathering storm that would make its presence felt in early March and it is so hard to wrap my head around that tonight. 

APPROVAL

I am trying to be patient with all my students. They are a wonderful bunch of individuals. So much personality. And, in fact, the majority do not test my patience.

But in my afternoon classes in particular, there is a predictable handful of students who tend to blurt things out, either over the top of whatever I am saying at the moment or in the midst of a hard-won quiet of "you've got time to work in class". And they blurt everything from correct answers to my questions ("IRONY!") to the obvious and mundane ("I DROPPED MY PENCIL!") to unclever sexual innuendo (Use your [lack of] imagination). 

In my efforts to exercise patience, I have sought to understand the root causes. Sure, some of it seems to be a simple lack of impulse control. And I have to admit that most of the blurting does not seem aimed specifically at disrupting class or disrespecting me. (That's just how it FEELS, I remind myself.) 

At heart of the disruptions, it seems, is a near desperate pursuit of approval. But only from their peers. The students in question could not possibly care less about approval from their teachers. It really seems like they need minute by minute reassurance - from their peers - that they matter, that they are funny, that they are somehow above the classroom experience and not subject to its conventions.

So I feel like I have a good handle on the diagnosis, but I still struggle with discerning the best cure...

THE MATTHEW PRINCIPLE

 I came across the Canadian hockey players' birthday illustration (in yesterday's post) in a book by Malcolm Gladwell called Outliers, the Story of Success. 

To recap: 40% of Canadian hockey players have birthdays in January, February or March and only 10% have birthdays in October, November or December. This is the result of the young hockey hopefuls playing on teams organized by birth year. Those born early in the year have a size, speed, and coordination advantage over their younger teammates born months later.

Gladwell explains that those early advantages - based only on chance of birth - slowly snowball into further advantages over time. Likewise, those dealt a losing hand by virtue of a late birthday tend to experience disadvantages which often give birth to further disadvantages. 

Apparently, this is commonly referred to as "The Matthew Principle" based on a parable from Jesus found in Matthew 25.

You are likely familiar with the parable. Jesus uses it to describe what the kingdom of heaven will be like. 

A man leaving on a journey calls his three servants and entrusts each with gold - "according to his ability". The first gets five bags, the second gets two and the third gets one. 

The first two servants invest the gold and double its value. But the third hides his bag of gold in a hole in the ground. 

Upon return from his journey, the master rewards the two servants who had invested the gold, but punishes the third, calling him a "wicked and lazy servant". 

The parable concludes in Matthew 25:28-29 with the master stating, "So take the bag of gold from him and give it to the one who has ten bags. For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them."

It doesn't take long to realize this is how the world works. "You have to have money to make money" is a pretty obvious truism, especially to anyone who has ever dreamed of starting a business. If I ever doubted the hold the "Matthew Principle" exerts over this world before I moved to Haiti, I am definitely a true believer now. I know countless Haitians who are so far down that even a good paying job (by Haitian standards) is not enough to even start to raise them out of poverty. 

I don't take Jesus's parable as some sort of defense of the "Matthew Principle". Rather, I think first, that Jesus is simply acknowledging that this is how the world works, in its fallen state. And second, that the spiritual world works the same way, for better or for worse: Those who exercise their faith will gain more while those who sit on their faith will lose even what they started out with. 

I think that's true. Do you?

CANADIAN HOCKEY

I know nothing about Canadian hockey.

Nothing except what I have read in two separate books now: a statistical mystery involving birthdays that ultimately had a simple explanation. 

A few years ago a researcher noticed something odd about the birth months of Canadian hockey players; from the top school age leagues to the NHL, the following trend was consistent:

40 % of the players were born in January, February or March.

30% were born in April, May or June.

20% were born in July, August or September.

And only 10% were born in October, November or December. 

The researcher scratched his head. Shouldn't we see an equal 25% of the birthdays falling in each of the quarters? Why so many first quarter birthdays and so few fourth quarter birthdays?

So ... any guesses as to the explanation?

It turns out to be very simple.

The competitive childhood leagues are ordered according to age and each league nationwide has the exact same cut off date for eligibility: January 1st.

This means that a young hockey enthusiast born on January 2nd is playing with other boys who were born later the same year. Mister January 2nd, in other words, has the advantage of three, six, nine or even nearly twelve months of physical development over the majority of his teammates. 

He's taller, stronger, and more coordinated than his younger teammates with October, November or December birthdays. The coaches are going to notice him, give him extra game time, and work him harder during practice. As a result, he will have a much better chance of advancing to the next level. He will become the better player. 

So the explanation of the predominance of January, February and March birthdays in the NHL is very simple.

But the ramifications of this observation about Canadian hockey are deep and complex. Consider how the cards can be stacked against someone based on some initial misfortune completely outside of his or her control - in this case, for example, a potential hockey star who has the bad luck of being born in December. It seems like it's more than hockey that works this way - it's life. 

THE BEST GIFTS

Giving a book as a gift is a real gamble. The jackpot is when a book placed in a friend's hand opens up life-altering new insights. But it seems like the greater possibility is that it will sit on a shelf untouched for a few years before moving to a box in the garage and eventually a shelf at the local Goodwill. 

Last Saturday Amazon delivered two books into my hands and both were gifts. One was from my wife and one was from a friend on the West Coast. 

When somebody gives me a book as a gift, I guarantee that I will read it. 

My friend generously sent N.T. Wright's Paul: A Biography after posting about the book on Facebook, just because I commented about my interest in it and its author. Sweet!

My wife bought me Craig Groeschel's Winning the War in Your Mind after hearing the author on a podcast and thinking it might line up with some of my current interests. 

Time will tell whether either of these hit the jackpot. I will let you know. ;-)

FATHER FORGIVE THEM

 Even more astounding than how incredibly wrong the Pharisees and rulers of the people were in their zeal to please God by executing the Son He sent to them is the incredible depth of forgiveness Jesus offered them from the cross. 

He actually prays to the Father on their behalf: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34) 

Before the Father's throne, He advocates for His own murderers precisely because they are completely mistaken in what they are doing. 

When I am the victim of someone else's sinful actions, the temptation is to grow even angrier as I think of just how mistaken he or she is! 

But not Jesus. "Forgive them, for they know not what they do."

Amazing grace.

But then here's a follow-up question to spark a theological/philosophical debate: Did God the Father forgive them as Jesus requested?

KNOWING NOT WHAT WE DO

So, speaking of not being able to distinguish between being 100% wrong and 100% right, the most incredible example of this has to be the Pharisees of Jesus' day. 

It is hard to wrap my head around how incredibly wrong they were. For three years they pushed back against every sermon Jesus spoke and every miracle He performed. They took deep offense at His every word. They asked Him snarky questions and set verbal traps for Him. They plotted violence against Him and stirred up crowds. Eventually they succeeded in having Him arrested, bringing Him to trial, seeing Him brutally beaten and ultimately witnessing Him tortured on a cross until He breathed His last breath. 

And they felt perfectly RIGHTEOUS every evil step of the way. In fact, they were motivated by a deep conviction that God watched their every move from heaven with profound approval. They were instruments of God's righteous judgment. 

Do you know how it feels to be "God's instrument" even as you think and act and speak in ways that are contradictory to God's will?  

I bet you do know.

It feels so very right.

BEING RIGHT AND BEING WRONG

Here's another truth I picked up this past year like a stray dog that unexpectedly followed me home one evening and now has become loved and cherished even though she is often annoying and demanding of attention. (Yes, I am thinking of Ginger. God love her.)

Here it is in a nutshell from Scott Adams: "No matter which side is right on any given topic, the one thing we know for sure is that being right and being wrong feel exactly the same to all of us. We can't tell the difference. If we could, everyone would agree on everything important." 

Let that really sink in: Being flat-out mistaken about some aspect of reality and hitting the bullseye in the exact center FEEL the same to me and to you. 

In a way this is common sense (easiest to see in someone who is not us), but the ramifications of this idea are both deep and wide and they take some time to absorb. So, at the risk of getting too repetitive, here's the same idea in the words of  journalist Kathryn Schulz in her book Being Wrong: "It does feel like something to be wrong. It feels like being right." 

This realization has both shaken my confidence in my own perceptions AND has made me more sympathetic to all the people around me who are constantly getting things wrong. ;-)

Which can be a little unsettling, because for 50 years I've been right about everything, and now? 

I wonder. 

Here's Schulz again: "A whole lot of us go through life assuming that we are basically right, basically all the time, about basically everything: about our political and intellectual convictions, our religious and moral beliefs, our assessment of other people, our memories, our grasp of facts. As absurd as it sounds when we stop to think about it, our steady state seems to be one of unconsciously assuming that we are very close to omniscient." 

We think and act as if we ourselves are omniscient. This is one more ugly result of humanity's Fall - one more way we attempt to place ourselves on God's throne. 

At least, that's what it looks like to me.

I could be wrong.

WINTER'S REDEEMING BEAUTY

On my way to school yesterday, after a two hour delay was called for snow, I thoroughly enjoyed watching the sunrise over the bleak winter landscape. I had to stop and take a picture of the trees and their shadows just outside the school building.

Even though it was morning and not afternoon, the "slant of light" reminded me of this Emily Dickinson poem:

There's a certain Slant of light

There's a certain Slant of light,

Winter Afternoons –

That oppresses, like the Heft

Of Cathedral Tunes –

Heavenly Hurt, it gives us –

We can find no scar,

But internal difference –

Where the Meanings, are –

None may teach it – Any –

'Tis the seal Despair –

An imperial affliction

Sent us of the Air –

When it comes, the Landscape listens –

Shadows – hold their breath –

When it goes, 'tis like the Distance

On the look of Death –

I think the poem highlights this captivating mix of beauty and death which is Winter in my eyes. Until yesterday, I had focused only on the "hurt" of winter - the stinging cold, the bare branches, the gray skies. Then a drive to work on a snowy morning reminded me of the beauty of winter and the shortness of life, and I have some idea of what Dickinson means by it being a "heavenly hurt". 

WHEN YOU FAST

 This is my annual soapbox speech about the benefit of one of the most under-utilized of the spiritual disciplines: fasting. Today is Ash Wednesday and the beginning of the season of Lent as we anticipate the arrival of Easter. 

For years now I have participated in the longstanding Christian tradition of "giving up something for Lent". Over various years I have given up candy in general, chocolate in specific, meat, colas, and even snacking between meals. A good fast is one that involves fighting some temptation on a daily basis. Something that causes a bit of pain to go without. The very best fasts are ones that do that while clearing some space in which to more closely listen for God's still, small voice.

Just coming off of a three week sugar fast, I don't currently feel the need to give up any particular type of food. But I've developed a bad habit that needs to be broken - and 40 days is more than enough to break a bad habit. 

My habit is this: jumping on Twitter first thing in the morning. Often, once I'm on, I find it very difficult to tear myself away from reading everyone's take on the stories of the previous day. (People and their opinions are fascinating. Often hilarious - sometimes intentionally, often not.) So for Lent, I am giving up social media in the mornings. I will not look at Facebook, Instagram or Twitter until after work during the week and after noon on weekends. 

This will clear the path to make prayer and Scripture the PRIORITY at the very beginning of each morning. (Along with coffee.)

If you have never done any sort of fasting before, I encourage you to use Lent as an excuse to experiment. I can guarantee you will learn a lot about yourself. Even better, you might learn some valuable things about God, too.

Years ago I heard a pastor make a very good point about fasting. He simply quoted Jesus's words in Matthew 6:16 to 18 - "When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." 

The pastor then simply brought our attention to the fact that Jesus starts the statement with "When you fast" and not "If you fast". Jesus clearly assumed His followers would fast on a regular basis. Furthermore, this passage is part of the Sermon on the Mount and it has the same structure as Jesus's teaching on prayer ("When you pray...") just a few verses before. We understand that prayer should be a regular part of the Christian life; why doesn't fasting get any attention?

Hopefully blogging about my fasting plan here is not the same as looking somber and disfiguring my face. I wouldn't want to lose any reward!

THE FIRST WRONG TURN

 I am using this space to kick around some ideas and process them a bit, and see which ones stick. In that process I am more than willing to admit I could be wrong about absolutely anything that I write here.

A few days ago I wrote "All sin is birthed from a legitimate need that takes a wrong turn." Now, maybe the word "all" is too strong in this case. 

Or maybe it isn't. I'm still pondering.

At any rate, I was reminded recently of the story of the fall of Adam and Eve in Genesis 3 and, lo and behold, there - in the account of the very first sin - is "a legitimate need that takes a wrong turn"! Actually, three legitimate needs.

Genesis 3:6 - "When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it."

Look at the three things the text says Eve was seeking when she bit into the fruit:

1) Food

2) A thing of beauty

3) Wisdom 

All three are good and legitimate needs or desires. However, it was the SERPENT who convinced Eve that these needs and desires could be filled with something from outside of God's will. 

And, after finding great success from the first attempt, to this day Satan has never found it necessary to alter his tactics.

I think all of our petty, day-to-day sins (complaints, gossip, self-preserving lies, cutting down people) are wrong turns taken by legitimate and important needs: to gain personal significance, to find safety, and to make an impact on this world. 

If only we could see that the significance, safety, and impact of a life surrendered to Christ, we would see the counterfeits offered by Satan pale in comparison...

EARTHYLY REWARDS

 In thinking recently about how sometimes when we face trials we get the sword, like James, and sometimes we get the angel, like Peter, I was reminded of a tough conversation I had had with one of my supervising teachers during my student teaching days.

Mr. D was a an upright and conscientious man and a good role model for me in the classroom. I appreciated his guidance and valued his judgment. That's why I was stricken with shame for making him terribly angry one day.

You see my grandfather passed away in the midst of my student teaching and, when I entered the classroom the next day, Mr. D kindly asked about the circumstances of his death.

I explained that it had been a bit of a surprise since Grandpa had been incredibly healthy - he had even received a rowing machine to keep up his exercise routines as a gift for his 80th birthday. Now, it was a few years later and he had simply fallen asleep one night at home, without so much as a common cold, and he had passed away in his sleep.

Mr. D agreed with me that it was the ideal way to go, but then he passionately and angrily disagreed with my assessment of why God granted a peaceful passing: "Grandpa lived and loved well, serving God his whole life, and I think the ease of his death was God's way of saying, 'Well done, good and faithful servant.'"

Mr. D got red in the face and I thought maybe he was going to leap over his desk at me.

Puzzled by his reaction, I was about to learn "the rest of the story", as Paul Harvey used to say.

Mr. D's father was a lifelong faithful pastor and his mother a devoted pastor's wife. Both of their lives were cut short as a result of a chance encounter with a drunk driver one dark night. 

Both parents, their bodies mangled, were rushed to the local hospital, where each lingered in excruciating pain, one for weeks and the other for months. Mr. D watched his parents suffer greatly before passing, one after the other, leaving him with a load of tough questions for God. 

Thus, to put it mildly, Mr. D did not care for my naïve theology of earthly rewards for faithful living.

I only remember apologizing and crawling away as quickly as possible. 

HATE THE SIN?

 We've all heard "Love the sinner, hate the sin." 

And the first half definitely seems on target: God absolutely calls us to love the sinner.

But who says we need to hate the sin? 

I guess "hate the sin" sounds good and righteous in theory, but in practice it amounts to "judge the sin", which isn't even a hop, skip or a jump from "judge the sinner". 

Maybe "hate the sin" would be passable advice if it wasn't for the fact that we all have a huge self-righteousness problem. (Have you ever noticed how other people's sins are so much worse than your own? Me too!)

Jesus says, "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." (Luke 6:37)

If we harbor some self-righteous hatred of another's sin, we are in dangerous territory. 

WRONG TURN

 As I wrote a few days ago, coming to a deep recognition of humanity's sinfulness has made me much more forgiving. I am no longer surprised by sin  - either my own or anybody else's. 

Here's another of my growing convictions that likewise makes me more forgiving: All sin is birthed from a legitimate need that takes a wrong turn. 

What if, instead of being offended by someone's sin against us, we considered it a challenge to get to the bottom of what that person really needs?

SUGGESTION FOR A NATIONAL "LIFE VERSE"

Many Christians can cite a specific "life verse" from the Bible that encapsulates their faith and life. Something like "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31) or "I can all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13) or the like.

Nobody ever picks Acts 19:32.

Here's the lead up: Acts 19 recounts an incident which took place in Ephesus with a silversmith named Demetrius whose main source of income was creating shrines of the goddess Artemis. He calls together fellow craftsmen and tells them that the Apostle Paul's preaching is endangering their income. And not only that, but Artemis will be "robbed of her divine glory". 

(But mainly it's the money.)

So Demetrius stirs up the craftsmen, the craftsmen start chanting "Great is Artemis of the Ephesians!" and soon the whole city is in an uproar. The crowd sort of kidnaps a couple of Paul's friends and everyone pushes into the city theater, a great big noisy mob.

Paul stays home, urged by other friends not to venture near the theater himself.

At this point we get this gem of a verse: "The assembly was in confusion: Some were shouting one thing, some another. Most of the people did not even know why they were there." (Acts 19:32)

Acts 19:32 may not work as a life verse for me or you, but I'd like to suggest it might be perfect for a national "life verse" for the United States of the 20s.

Works, right?

WHY ARE WE SURPRISED?

 Why are we constantly surprised when people sin? Why am I surprised when *I* sin? 

Malcolm Muggeridge once observed, “The depravity of man is at once the most empirically verifiable reality but at the same time the most intellectually resisted fact.”

Human beings ARE depraved and our hearts ARE bent towards sin. So why are we constantly shocked and offended by bad behavior or hurtful words?

Over the last few years I think I have made progress in reversing my intellectual resistance to the fact of depravity. And although it may seem counterintuitive, I have found that this acceptance of the fact of depravity - in myself and every single person I know - has made it easier to offer grace and forgiveness to others.  And furthermore, to admit my own need for grace and forgiveness. 

"The heart is deceitful above all things,

And desperately sick;

Who can understand it?"   - Jeremiah 17:9

THE FIRST SCRIPTURE I EVER MEMORIZED

A few days before I came across that passage from James 4 that I described yesterday, I encountered the very first Scriptural passage that would come to be written on my heart.

My friend Phil had died late on a Saturday night at the end of our junior year in high school. It was Memorial Day weekend and at church Sunday morning I heard rumors of the deaths of a couple of teenagers. A phone call after returning home confirmed that Phil had been the driver and that he and his neighbor were both dead on impact.

This rocked my world. I had experienced the death of a couple of my grandparents by this point in my life, but there is something about the death of a peer that will shake you to the core. Especially during the teen years when you assume you and your friends are immortal. 

It was an incredibly odd day. Phil and I weren't so close that he had spent time at my house, so the rest of my family didn't really know him. The rest of my family set about enjoying a Sunday afternoon and anticipating another Indianapolis 500 Race on the radio. I was in shock.

I took a two hour bike ride. As I returned to the house, I prayed the most fervent prayer I had ever prayed: "Lord, give me some sort of sign that Phil is with you in heaven."

I should explain that Phil did not go to my church, but I knew he was a Christian. My prayer wasn't about whether or not Phil had "made the cut". I was certain he had, if there was a cut to be made. In truth, my prayer was questioning the existence of heaven itself  ... and thus the existence of God Himself. 

So, I prayed that prayer with tears streaming down my cheeks as I steered my bike into our backyard. I did not expect an immediate sign, but I determined to keep my eyes open. 

We had just a few days of the school year left, and they were weird, mournful days. And the funeral was heartrending. Phil's dad was actually my chemistry teacher and one of the best and funniest teachers I had ever known. Watching him, a broken man, struggle to move his feet down the aisle of the church almost ruined me.

A few days after the funeral, I was ready to get back to my daily chapter reading in my Bible - the reading that my Sunday school teachers had encouraged. I opened my bible to where I left off a week earlier. 

I was ready for Hebrews 11. I didn't make it past the first verse:

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen."

All of a sudden, the Bible was no longer a dusty, irrelevant, ancient book written to some long distant audience. It was speaking directly to me. In my present day. 

I had asked for a sign and this was God saying there would be no sign. That I just needed faith. And, ironically, this was the very best sign I could have gotten. 

SPEAKING OF GOD'S WILL ...

 James 4:13-14a - "Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow."

This was the second passage of Scripture I ever memorized. I had just finished my junior year in high school; it was June of 1985. With the encouragement of my sweet Sunday School teachers, Tom and Marcia Kuhn, I was reading through the New Testament a chapter at a time. It must have been June when I came to James because I remember it was a week or two after the car wreck on May 25th, the day my friend Phil died. 

I had seen him within the last hour of his life, but of course I had no way of knowing. It was a Saturday night and I was coming home from a bike ride. Phil was driving down my street - we happened to live on the local teenage "cruise loop" - and he pulled over to say hi. We made small talk and then he pulled away from the curb and continued down the loop.

Not long after our conversation, Phil was speeding home on Old Cemetery Road and hit a deep pothole. He overcorrected the wheel and sent the car into a tree. He was going fast enough that the impact tore the vehicle into three sections. When the wreck was later discovered, it was clear that Phil and his teenage neighbor in the passenger seat had both died instantly. 

4:14b - "What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."

When I came across this passage in James a few days after Phil's funeral, I thought about my final conversation with him and found that I could not for the life of me remember what exactly we had talked about for those couple of minutes at the curbside. The only thing I did remember was what I said as Phil drove away that night: "See you later."

Over 35 years later, I still catch myself on occasion ending a conversation with "See you later", and gulp a bit inside. 

"You do not even know what will happen tomorrow."

James finishes his thought on this particular topic with a command to those who say "Today or tomorrow we're going to ...", and his command is this: 

"Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.'" 

Believe me, I got James's point. Saying "If it is the Lord's will" is not some magic phrase to ward off sudden tragedy. Rather it is an acknowledgement that ultimately God is calling the shots and God's will may be very different from our own. Sometimes He even allows tragedy to come. We can't assume anything.

ANALYZING GOD'S WILL

If it's not obvious already, all of my recent pondering of Peter's miraculous escape from prison and James's death by Herod's sword and Paul blocked by the Spirit of Jesus at one point and by Satan at another is my heart still churning over my family's departure from Haiti and trying to make sense of it.

For me, it comes back to this question: In what sense was it God's will for us to leave Haiti?

Maybe it was the Spirit of Jesus blocking our return. 

Perhaps to spare us from something bad? We certainly tempted fate often while living in Haiti - travel on dangerous roads and exposure to unusual illnesses, and the like. Heck, Sarah at 6 years of age fell out of a tree and flat on her back our very first week in Haiti. Caleb sliced a 5 inch long and 1 inch deep gash in the side of his knee without cutting through a tendon or an artery. And once he caused a motorcycle accident when a 5 gallon jug of water slipped from his hands and rolled into a busy street. That incident could have easily turned tragic for the driver and Haitian crowds have been know to exact "eye for an eye" justice on the spot. I was involved in a traffic accident once that could have introduced me to Haitian jail if our friend Rose had not been with us. Melissa received a few death threats as director of the school (a long story that was not shared publicly while my mother was still living). Among my acquaintances in Haiti there were two individuals who had survived kidnappings - which are once again on the rise in recent days. 

So could it be that the Lord spared us from some unforeseen pain? Even tragedy? 

I suppose that is entirely possible. For all we know, God's miraculous intervention had spared both James and Peter countless previous arrests, completely unnoticed by either man in the moment and unrecorded in the Bible. 

BUT Melissa and I are currently deep in prayer for two dear families here in Columbus as each struggles with scary and unforeseen pain involving their teenage children. So we are well aware that central Indiana is not a haven from the fears and difficulties of life. 

My gut says it is likely more accurate to say that it was Satan blocking our path of return to Haiti. But to be clear, in saying this I do not mean to cast aspersions on any particular individual or organization. Unfortunately, Satan finds plenty of footholds in every Christian community and plenty of chinks in every Christian's armor. (Including my own.) And we can expect Satan to exploit the heck out of any opportunity that crosses his path. 

And there's no magic formula for a prayer which will automatically defeat Satan, rendering him powerless as we skate on by. If anyone could have found that formula, it would have been the Apostle Paul, right? I know we prayed like crazy to be able to return to ministry in Haiti, but things still went south.

In the end, there's one other thing I know about God's will - and it is that the Lord is an expert at bringing profound good out of the worst of circumstances. So even though my mind still wants to analyze how God's will works, I continue to step forward in the firm belief that the best is yet to be. 

BLOCKED - BUT BY WHOM?

 It is late and my brain is going foggy, so tonight I am merely making note of two passages where the Apostle Paul was blocked from doing something he felt was God's will.

The first instance is recorded in Acts 16:6-7 - "Paul and his companions traveled throughout the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia. When they came to the border of Mysia, they tried to enter Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to." 

But this red light is quickly followed by a green light in the form of a nighttime vision: the "man of Macedonia" begging Paul to come and help.

Paul's altered path now leads him to Philippi, where there is another miraculous prison break, and then on to Thessalonica.

And Thessalonica figures into the second relevant passage, found in the book of 1 Thessalonians. In this letter, Paul describes his great love for the church in Thessalonica - a love he might never have experienced if he had continued into Bithynia - and his great desire to return to them. 

In Chapter 2, verses 17 and 18, Paul writes, "But, brothers and sisters, when we were orphaned by being separated from you for a short time (in person, not in thought), out of our intense longing we made every effort to see you. For we wanted to come to you - certainly I, Paul, did, again and again - but Satan blocked our way."

So in one instance, Paul's missionary travels were blocked by the Spirit of Jesus and in the other by Satan. 

Curious, isn't it?

SOMETIMES YOU GET THE ANGEL, SOMETIMES THE SWORD

So why is it, in Acts 12, that James got the sword while Peter got the angel? I have been mulling this over for the last 24 hours and, so far, I've come up with this:

Don't know.

I'm sure James had people praying for him, just like Peter did. Probably a lot of the same people, actually. 

I bet after James' death, the disciples were a lot more motivated to pray for Peter now that he too had been detained by Herod. Maybe the angel was in answer to more fervent prayer? 

Maybe. But even the most fervent prayer sometimes gets the answer of "no". Besides, the text certainly does not explicitly draw a cause and effect lesson on prayer.

In fact, if anything, it is clear that the disciples were praying, but not necessarily with profound faith. When Peter came knocking at their door, they couldn't understand how it could possibly be him. 

So I'm not sure why sometimes you get the angel and sometimes you get the sword, but here is something worth noting: God has a Marty McFly problem. 

Remember how in Back to the Future, Marty travels back in time, witnessing his parents as teenagers on the very day they were to meet for the first time? Marty's actions alter the timeline, accidentally eliminating the future existence of his siblings and even himself.

Well, God sends His angel to rescue Peter, but that means other people's timelines are permanently altered: "After Herod had a thorough search made for Peter and did not find him, he cross-examined the guards and ordered that they be executed." (Acts 12:19) 

Peter got the angel, but at least two guards - two other human beings (and maybe more) - got the sword in his place. 

Being omniscient, God must know up front the cost/benefit ratio of granting any answer to prayer. 

And that thought just makes my head hurt. 

Glad I'm not God.

JAMES AND PETER

 In Acts chapter 12 we find the incredible story of Peter being locked up by King Herod and placed under heavy guards while Herod planned a public trial. 

But miraculous events ended the trial the night before it began. As the church prayed, an angel appeared in Peter's cell, the chains fell from Peter's arms and he was ushered past guards to a gate that opened on its own, freeing Peter into the city. 

You probably remember the account of Peter late night knock at the door of the house where other disciples were gathered for prayer and the servant girl getting so excited at Peter's presence that she forgets to even open the door to let him in.

So Peter is spared and is able to continue many more years in the ministry that God had called him to.

What a beautiful story. God heard the church's prayers and spared Peter's life and ministry.

But what about poor James? He gets one verse of attention and it falls just before Peter's story miraculous story gets rolling: "[King Herod] had James, the brother of John, put to death with the sword." (Acts 12:2)

God's plan contained no reprieve for James. Herod's evil plan succeeded without a hitch. The end. No angels, no invisibility, no open gate.

This begs the question: 

What the heck?

FAHRENHEIT 451: IT'S NOT ABOUT THE BOOKS

My 8th grade honors class has started reading Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451, a prescient novel from 1953 about a dystopian future where it is the job of firemen to start fires rather than to extinguish them. And every such fire begins with the discovery of a homeowner illegally in possession of a book. 

Reading is shunned while distracting technology is wholeheartedly embraced.

The hero, Guy Montag, is a fireman who gets a little too curious about the books he is tasked with destroying, sneaking one home to secretly peruse, looking for something that is missing from his life. 

Guy recalls once meeting an old English professor in a park and suspecting the man was concealing a book of poetry. Now he seeks out professor Faber looking for clues as to what books can offer.

I have read Fahrenheit 451 several times before and even taught it before. But this time through I am seeing something important that I missed before: the story is not really about burning books. It is about the loss of what Faber says books represent. 

Montag complains to Faber, "We have everything we need to be happy, but we aren't happy. Something's missing. I looked around. The only thing I positively knew was gone was the books I'd burned in ten or twelve years. So I thought books might help."

And Faber responds, "It's not books you need, it's some of the things that once were in books." 

He elaborates that three things associated with books are missing:

1) "Truthfully recorded details of life"

2) "Time to think"

3) "The right to carry out actions based on what we learn from the interaction of the first two"

Whoa. This hits me in a way I never saw before. During the six months I was unemployed, I found #1 and #2. Now with a new position and a new stage of life and career, I am in the process of #3. I wish everyone could experience at least this aspect of my past year. I jokingly called it a sabbatical, but that is what it has been, at least when the concept of sabbatical lives up to its true potential. 

Here's one more line that Bradbury puts in Faber's mouth that I am chewing on because it also rings true with my recent experience with books: 

"The books are to remind us what asses and fools we are."

Hmmm. Interesting in light of the fact that the book Montag carries with him on his visit to Faber's house is ... the Bible. 

THE IMPORTANCE OF PLACE

On a recent podcast, author Robert Cialdini described a French social experiment involving a young man and a whole lot of female shoppers who did not know they were part of psychological research. The young man's job was to record his success rate for his direct approach to the ladies roaming a shopping mall: "Excuse me, can I have your phone number so that I can call you later for a date?"

All over the mall, this approach garnered a phone number 13.5% of the time. 

However, the researchers discovered there was one particular place in this mall where his success rate shot up to 24%. Nearly double!

Where was a young lady browsing who was twice as likely as others to give a handsome stranger her phone number? 

A flower shop.

The researchers concluded that the presence of flowers predisposed a woman to thoughts of romance. So when a young man approached and requested her number, she was much more open to taking a chance than if he had approached her while she was shopping for shoes or enjoying an overpriced pretzel. 

The point is that our environments exert much more influence over us than we are aware of, often in extremely subtle but powerful ways. 

Cialdini now has me contemplating this fact and its implications for the appearance of my classroom. Are there ways for my room to predispose students toward learning?

SUGAR FAST RESULTS

Three or four months ago, Melissa got it in her head that she was going to do a 21 day fast from all sugars. There is a website that offers support and guidance from a Christian perspective in this endeavor, revelationwellness.org, and Melissa got busy recruiting some friends to join her. Nobody was in favor of doing it over the holidays, of course, so we kicked the idea into the new year. 

I'm so glad I joined in.

A fast that requires this much self-control and planning is much more likely to succeed with some support. The website gave medical information and offered daily devotions. We were part of a Facebook messenger group which shared encouragement and recipes and special grocery store finds. We met weekly on Zoom to check in with each other and process the experience. 

Ultimately it was a surprisingly joyful and satisfying experience on all levels. 

To be clear, ALL sugars were off the menu.  I think we all have some gut understanding that tossing products containing "high fructose corn syrup" would eliminate 90% of all American food products, but this fast took sugar prohibitions several steps further. Not just candy, cookies and cake, but fruits (except for lemons and limes), breads (all grains, actually), and potatoes, and legumes were gone. We were allowed to eat meat, fish, leafy green veggies, peppers, onions, and nuts, as well as crackers and chips made of cauliflower and whatnot. Water, coconut milk, almond milk, coffee and tea were ok to drink, while fruit juices and soda and alcohol were obviously not. 

I had to give up my precious barbeque sauces. 

My findings after three short weeks:

1) Eating healthy is crazy expensive. (But I hear that maybe we'll get that money back someday in reduced doctor bills.) 

2) I had more energy. I was more alert. I was getting by on 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night. At first I assumed that starting this fast simultaneous with my first day on a new job was the worst timing. Now I wonder if I could have survived the first few weeks back in the classroom without it.

3)  I didn't spend a lot of time craving sweets. I was actually eating less food overall but still satisfied. I truthfully suffered no hunger pangs. Melissa found a great keto brownie mix made of almond flour and sweetened with stevia that was our go-to for an occasional treat. (And honestly, I don't know what sort of sorcery the manufacturers are practicing, but these brownies were moist and delicious and stayed fresh for days. Weird!) 

4) Melissa's joint pains all but disappeared and I was able to get out of bed in the morning without the aches and pains I had started to accept as an inevitable part of growing older. 

5) I think Melissa and I each lost about 10 pounds. 

6) Melissa added some incredibly tasty new recipes to her repertoire. Everybody in the family enjoyed the switch up in our meals. 

Conclusion: We plan to loosen up our menu a bit going forward, but there is no going back to my old sugary ways. My sweet tooth is broken.

PURE JOY

My conclusions from giving up sugar entirely for three weeks can wait until tomorrow. First, I wanted to follow up yesterday's post with a short explanation of one of the greatest lessons the Lord taught me in 2020.

I can now testify to the very real possibility of obeying what the Spirit commands in James 1:2-3 - "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because (There's that word again!) you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." 

I survived some crazy trials in 2020 and now I'm working on James 1:4 - "Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." I've got a long way to go, but it's an exciting period in my life.

To be sure, I miss Haiti. I love my friends, co-workers and students there and I long to be with them still. I have never gotten more satisfaction out of work, or felt a better fit, than during my time as a teacher at Cap-Haitien Christian School. Our departure from Haiti was painful (to put it mildly!) and I truly wish things had turned out differently. 

But I have found joy because the trials have strengthened my faith. And what could be a greater cause for celebration than that?

Therefore, I can honestly say I hold no grudge against any individual or organization and I would welcome reconciliation with absolutely anyone who has done even intentional harm to me or my family. And doubly so with anyone who feels I have done harm to him or her.

Joy crowds out any desire to bear a grudge, seek revenge, or nurse anger. (Besides, the Lord doesn't give us the option to do any of those things, anyway, especially in our dealings with brothers and sisters in Christ.)