AT ODDS

I grew up the third son in a line up of 4 boys. So I was a middle child ... and painfully shy. 

I remember on every occasion my mom had to introduce her children to someone, she would give each of us a label: "This is Ryan; he’s our oldest. This is Spencer; he’s our athlete. Here’s Russell; he’s our youngest" - at this point Mom would reach behind her, pry me loose from her leg, and drag me out into the open - "and this is Steven, he’s our Quiet One."

I was timid, to say the least.

One day in high school, I was reading a Norman Vincent Peale book off a bookshelf my parents kept in my bedroom. At least I think it was one of his books, but I have never relocated this story as an adult. Anyway, Peale wrote that he had grown up shy. One day, though, he had come to the realization under the influence of the Holy Spirit, that being quiet and being shy were not synonymous. 

In a flash, he realized that he was quiet by nature. This is the way God had created him.

But he was ALSO shy, and the shyness was different because it was actually a sin. A fear of other people.

In that moment as I read Peale's framing of the difference between introversion and shyness, it made perfect sense to me. I took it as a conviction from God Himself.

My shyness didn't disappear overnight. Since reading that book, I have spent some portion of every year actively pushing myself to overcome shyness. 

Some days more intentionally than others. 

Some years more successfully than others.

This was the first time, but not the last, when I found my faith to be at odds with my comfort.