"The Deeper the Hole, the More Dramatic the Rescue"

That's what I told Melissa a couple of months ago in response to our mutual concern that we wouldn't be able to raise the support necessary to get our family to Haiti in January.  It was my (half-hearted) attempt to express faith that the Lord could still work a miracle and put us on the mission field after Christmas.

Now it's October 31st.  I was in Walmart last night and the workers were already shoving aside the candy CORN to make room for the candy CANES.  This time of year always goes by so fast (at least for all of us non-children!) and January is right around the corner.

And our support progress?  We are hovering at 31% of what we need to move to the mission field.

Am I confident that Melissa and I, in the next two months, can raise twice what was raised in the previous ten months?  NOPE.

Am I confident that "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible"?  YES.

I do not type that word "yes" lightly or without fear.  And I do not use Matthew 19:26 as a Scriptural feel-good cliche.  God has been doing deep-down work on me over the past year or two - and especially over the past two months or so. 

The fact of the matter is that even though in August I dropped my teaching job in order to devote full time to raising the necessary funds to put us on the mission field, precious little progress has been made on that front.  I could offer as excuses three big things that consumed a lot of our time:  my September trip to Haiti, Melissa's knee surgery and the preparation of our house for rental.  BUT, those issues aside (and they were all ultimately very good and necessary things), the true reason I didn't make any significant progress on funding during that time is that I was wrestling with God.

Not long ago I posted about how we as Americans are adept at avoiding suffering.  We are pretty successful at dodging any suffering that doesn't broadside us out of the blue - like natural disasters, illness or the loss of a job.  Any "suffering" that is merely uncomfortable or unpleasant has no place in our daily lives - there shouldn't be any film left by the dishwasher on our glasses, we should be able to lose weight without hunger or exercise and we shouldn't have to wait in line at a grocery store for more than two minutes. 

It's easy enough for me to point the finger at other Americans, but in these last few weeks, God has put his finger on one important area where I have been stubbornly unwilling to "suffer": an overconcern with what other people think of me.  (Also known as "fear of others".)

It may not be immediately obvious to you what sort of havoc this mindset has played on our fundraising efforts, so I'll spell it out: fear of the phone, fear of making someone else uncomfortable by asking for financial support, and the pride of self-sufficiency all tend to stand firmly in the way of effectively raising up a team of people willing to dedicate their prayers and money to a Christ-glorifying ministry in Haiti.

I have struggled with this fear of what others think of me since childhood, and I'm sure God would have gladly given up and left it alone now that I am in my mid-40's IF ONLY it weren't so darned sinful! 

Proverbs 29:25 - "The fear of man brings a snare, But he who trusts in the Lord will be exalted."

Jesus himself says, "I say to you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that have no more that they can do.  But I will warn you whom to fear: fear the One who, after He has killed, has authority to cast into hell." (Luke 12:4 and 5)

Halloween day seems a fitting time to reflect a bit on fear.  And the one over-arching conclusion I have reached at the age of 44 is that the Bible speaks of ONLY ONE type of fear in a positive sense, and that is the "fear of God".  In the face of ALL other fears, God's people are told again and again, "Fear not!"  Much of what God has done in me these past two years has been to take Scripture that has been in my head and drive it into my heart - where it needs to take root and become reality in my life.  I pray that it is so for Luke 12:4-5. 

I've dug my hole deeper than it needed to be, and now I'm repenting, asking for forgiveness and humbly looking to my Rescuer.  I have a new resolve that when the rope is thrown my way, I am going to make the effort to grab hold - even if it makes me uncomfortable.

The Place of Christian Scholarship

I am reading Jen Hatmaker's book, Interrupted: An Adventure in Relearning the Essentials of Faith.  I had never even heard of Hatmaker until three or four days ago when a trusted friend who is serving with her husband in Africa in medical missions mentioned on Facebook that she was reading Interrupted.  Then she posted a link to Hatmaker's blog and the post there concerned a trip the author took recently to Haiti and her impressions of the experience.

I was hooked.  (If you care to check it out for yourself, go to jenhatmaker.com)

I just came across a quote she included in Interrupted from Soren Kierkegaard - the sort of quote that makes you go "hmmmmm":

"Take any words in the New Testament and forget everything except pledging yourself to act accordingly.  My God, you will say, if I do that my whole life will be ruined.  How would I ever get on in the world?

"Herein lies the real place of Christian scholarship.  Christian scholarship is the Church's prodigious invention to defend itself against the Bible, to ensure that we can continue to be good Christians without the Bible coming too close.  Oh, priceless scholarship, what would we do without you? Dreadful it is to fall into the hands of the living God.  Yes, it is even dreadful to be alone with the New Testament."

As one who is hoping to soon be teaching at a seminary, I am quick to notice that Kierkegaard does not say this evasion of the New Testament is the ONLY place of Christian scholarship, merely that it seems to be the main outcome.  In Haiti - and elsewhere - there is a great need for training in theology and the right handling of Scripture...

BUT can we deny that at heart what Kierkegaard is saying here is too true?  Christian scholarship CAN function in a Moses-type role for God's people.  I mean the down-side of Moses' role - the one where the people gather at the foot of the mountain and say, "Moses, you go up and speak to God on our behalf.  We'll stay here and wait for you to bring back news."

What would my life look like TODAY if I "pledged myself to act accordingly" to ANY ONE of the following:

Do not worry.
Do not judge.
Seek first God's kingdom and his righteousness.
Follow me and let the dead bury their own dead.
You cannot serve both God and money.
Ask the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into his harvest field.
Go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice'.
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.  Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.
Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.

I find myself praying that God would "ruin" my life.  Give me the will to obey, Lord.

Suffering and Avoidance

"I'm not like other people ... I don't like pain. It hurts me." 
                                                                           - Daffy Duck

Saturday at 4:00 pm, Melissa was once again "under the knife" - for the second time in a week. Last week it was to remove a cyst from her left foot - and that procedure put her out of work for the week and hopping around on crutches. This time the procedure was a bit more intrusive - the surgeon put a scope in Melissa's right knee to find the source of the pain and swelling she's experienced now for years. Apparently the culprit was arthritis and its side effects and the doctor was able to smooth out her joint. 

After an hour and a half in recovery, Melissa was ready to go home. It was not a pleasant trip. I've been fighting another sinus infection and Melissa couldn't get comfortable in the van. The sky dumped rain and didn't let up. We hit late Friday afternoon rush hour traffic and crawled around 465 ... in the rain. 

With the rain and traffic and a fastfood stop and a prescription stop, a trip that normally takes around 60 minutes ended after 2 hours and 40 minutes.

When we arrived home, I drove through the yard to get Melissa as close as possible to the front door. The rain continued and the temperature had dropped about twenty degrees from the day before. By the time Melissa got settled on the couch, I was feeling pretty miserable.

But when your wife is sprawled on a couch - where she will stay for the next three days non-stop except for bathroom breaks - and she's begging for her pain medication because somebody scraped around on the inside of her knee, it makes you a little ashamed of wanting pity for being tired and cold and wet. 

It reminded me of an experience I had one night during my September trip to Haiti and a lesson that God has been trying to teach me for several weeks now.

One afternoon about mid-way through my two weeks in Haiti last month, a small twinge in my lower back grew steadily into an annoying dull ache. When I crawled under the mosquito net and into bed, I soon discovered that no position – left side, right side, back, stomach, legs tucked, legs straight – eased the pain whatsoever. I methodically rotated on the bed, punctuating each move with a grunt or a groan or a deep sigh. 

Exasperated, I finally sat up, kneeled on the bed and began to pray. It wasn’t a faith-filled, Spirit-led prayer. It was a whiny, self-pitying prayer. Poor, poor me: I was the guy with a backache ... lying with a full stomach on a comfortable mattress in a spacious house with tile floors and running water and a working refrigerator in a neighborhood filled with unemployed and hungry individuals sleeping on dirt floors in the utter darkness of flimsy shacks far from a source of drinking water.

I thank God for not smiting me during that prayer. 

The Lord started to whisper something to me that night: a very important lesson.

He said, "You're a wimp." (That's just my simplified paraphrase.)

He wasn't trying to be rude - I took it as a rebuke from a loving Father.

Since that night, I've started to notice quite a few references to suffering in the Bible. For example, Jesus had a hard time convincing his disciples that he "must suffer many things and be rejected by this generation" (Luke 17:25 and elsewhere) and that it was all part of God's plan. Later, after the Lord had knocked Saul to the ground and blinded him, He sent Ananias to Saul to proclaim to him how He would "show him how much he must suffer for My name's sake" (Acts 9:16). 

And it would be easy to convince ourselves that Paul's calling was unique, so surely this call to suffering was as well, but later we find Paul writing to his protege, Timothy, this command: "Suffer hardship with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus" (2 Timothy 2:3).

Paul even tells the Roman church that they are "heirs of God and fellow heirs of Christ" IF "indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him" (Romans 8:17).

It looks like SUFFERING is meant to be a part of being a Christian. Even an INTEGRAL part of being a Christian. 

I'm still learning about this, so I welcome any feedback you might give me in the comments section below, but it seems to me that in the American church, at least, there is not much said about the theology of suffering. 

American CULTURE at large is definitely ANTI-suffering. Anti-discomfort. Pro-convenience. Anti-pain. Pro-pleasure. Americans definitely want the closest parking space. Definitely and quickly satisfy the smallest hunger pang with a snack. Definitely deserve to lose weight without either hunger or exercise. 

And the American church is definitely "of" the culture and not just "in" it in this respect.

My high school English students often swap the spelling of "defiantly" for "definitely" in their writing. In this case, "defiant" might be the best word for the American church's approach to suffering and discomfort. The church - with our air conditioners, padded pews, and expensive "welcoming" buildings - has largely bought what American culture is selling. 

There's a local church advertising on the Christian radio station that they will give a $5 gas card to any first time visitor who bothers to make the drive to their worship service. I understand the intent of this gimmick, but the message seems to be "it won't cost you a dime to worship with us".

I am not saying that as Christians we are obligated to go looking for suffering - but we dare not stop short of following Christ when we see that his path leads through suffering. Because it will. After all, we were warned up front that following Him meant laying down our lives and picking up our crosses.

I've got more to share about what God is teaching me on this front, but this post is long enough already and I have a "to do" list a mile long. I will continue later. In the meantime, I would LOVE to hear some feedback, either here or on Facebook. Thanks and God bless!

Found this picture on a friend's Facebook page. So does following Jesus lead to a more difficult life or a less difficult life? (Put your hand down, Joel Osteen ... we already know what you think...)

September Newspaper Article - Depending on Technology

I used a bit of an earlier blog post for this month's newspaper article, but most of this is new:


On Labor Day Monday, while local schools enjoyed a day off, I was privileged to witness the start of a new year at Cowman School in Vaudreuil, Haiti.  In many ways the scene appeared like that of any school here in the U.S.

The students showed up lugging backpacks, lunchboxes and water bottles and bubbling with a sense of anticipation and anxiety. The teachers warmly greeted the students and showed them to their classrooms where posters adorned the walls and bulletin boards offered key learning points. At eight o’clock a bell rang and the students took their seats.

But the bell was not some electronic buzz – it was a handheld bell, powered only by a vigorous shaking by Mrs. Z, a 70-something missionary who teaches 1^stand 2^nd graders.

I was on site to begin my new job as a high school teacher for Cowman, this small mission school serving a mix of missionary kids and local Haitian children.  I came for two weeks to bring classroom supplies, get to know my students and create a foundation on which I could continue to build from here in Indiana the rest of the semester. 

My students will be learning French and Spanish on site, working on Language Arts with me via email, and taking all other core classes through an internet curriculum called Ignitia. 

I got to see firsthand what a challenge this may present.  American teachers are well aware that technology will let you down when the timing is most inconvenient.  In Haiti, it is not just high tech gadgets – it is anything powered by electricity.

Each morning I spent at Cowman, the electricity would cut out completely from 9:30 to noon, leaving the classrooms without overhead lighting and, more importantly, without fans.  During those hours, we utilized a portable diesel-powered generator and a mess of extension cords, one running to each classroom. 

So you can imagine how nervous it made me to be in charge of a class almost completely dependent on a strong, steady internet connection.  In fact, we were six days into the school year before Access Haiti installed a satellite dish … in a tall tree behind the school building.  One worker scrambled up the tree and wielded a machete to clear away any branches interfering with the signal.

So what did I do with my students during our six school days before the internet connection was established?  I wrote out assignments on an antique green chalkboard.  The class took notes and wrote essays with pencils on paper.  I taught reading and writing skills. 

That’s right: I taught without the use of technology.  Who would guess that was even still possible?

Sweet Ladies of Troy UMC and Grundy Center UMC Make a Year of School Possible for 4 Haitian Kids ...

... And the Ladies Don't Even Know It!  Yet.

UPDATED**

As if on a mission, these ladies came out of the Sunday worship service one by one the morning I had preached at the church of my good friend, Tim Price.  Each one asked me, "Which one is Caleb?" And I would point them to my oldest son.

You see, in my sermon I had included the story of Caleb's unsolicited generosity at age 9 when he willingly gave Melissa the two $20 bills he had been saving for Legos so she could take them to Haiti to give to two different needy families.

That Sunday morning in Troy, Illinois, Caleb (now 11) was caught off guard when these various ladies approached him, shook his hand and then handed him various twenties.  Each lady said something like, "You take this money and pass it along to somebody else in Haiti who needs help."  He was excited to end the weekend with around $100 to give away.

(** My wife reminded me that a very similar thing happened a few weeks later at the UMC of Grundy Center, Iowa!  It is another sweet, sweet congregation and I would be remiss not to give them a 'shout out' here as well!  Mea culpa.)

A day later, back home in Indiana, we were reading Stacey Ayars' blog account of Roselore, a Haitian woman who worked at Emmaus Biblical Seminary in Saccanville cleaning houses and who struggled to keep her four children fed.  (EBS is where I hope to do some teaching once we move to Haiti.) You should stop and take a few moments to read Stacey's account HERE.  She's a great writer and it's a heart-breaking story.  We agreed as a family that Roselore should be the recipient of the money that Caleb received.

We thought it best to send a bit at a time - to Stacey - and she could pass it along to Roselore as needed.  Our friend Beka Mech was heading down to Haiti and would be visiting EBS within a few days, so Caleb sent a few twenties with her (** Melissa says $80!).

Then, when I was preparing to leave two weeks ago, we remembered that there was still $80 left to send to Roselore.  I knew that I would be seeing the Ayars at EBS at some point, so I brought the money with me.

So after dinner at the Ayars' home last Tuesday night, I asked Stacey if Roselore was still working for the seminary.

"Yes, and it's so difficult because she wants more work but we don't have the budget to add any more days for her."  Stacey explained that September is an anxious month for many parents in Haiti.  School traditionally starts in October and the parents have to pay to enroll their students.  Many, many are simply not able.

Any guess as to how much primary education costs in the neighborhood around Saccanville, where the seminary is located?

Poor Roselore has been fretting because she has not been able to save up the $16 each that it will cost to enroll her four children in school for the full year! 

Which means ...that final $80 from the ladies at Troy and Grundy Center UMC will enable Roselore to enroll her kids for the year and provide a bit extra towards the clothing and books necessary to go along!  Praise God!  I wish you and I could both be there when Stacey tells Roselore and when Roselore tells her kids.

Can you imagine what life must be like for a parent who can't afford to educate her children for the lack of a hundred dollars? It's hard for us to even conceive of such an existence.  I would guess that most American Christians have close to enough money sitting in our change jars to put Roselore's kids in school for a year.


"Is this not the fast which I choose,

To loosen the bonds of wickedness,

To undo the bands of the yoke,

And to let the oppressed go free

And break every yoke?

"Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry

And bring the homeless poor into the house;

When you see the naked,  to cover him;

And not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

"Then your light will break out like the dawn,

And your recovery will speedily spring forth;

And your righteousness will go before you;

The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard."

 

                                                  Isaiah 58:6-8

May God forgive us.  AND guide us in mending our ways.

And may God bless the ladies of the United Methodist Churches of Troy, Illinois and Grundy Center, Iowa!

Checking Possibilities at Emmaus Biblical Seminary

I had the opportunity yesterday afternoon to visit Matt and Stacey Ayars at the Emmaus Biblical Seminary just down the road 30 minutes from Cowman.  Mine was a fact-finding mission:  I was interested in finding out how I might be able to contribute to the incredible ministry happening at EBS if I could split my time between Cowman and EBS once our family moves to Haiti. 

I was encouraged to find that a split seems very doable. 

At Cowman I will be teaching Language Arts to grades 7 through 12 and overseeing their work on other online classes.  Right now there are only 4 students in this category (the principal limited enrollment this year since this is experimental and I was not able to be on site full-time yet), but even when enrollment goes up, the Language Arts load at Cowman will be very manageable.  And the online curriculum oversight will be something that requires little extra effort.  Discovering what this part of my job here would look like was one of my main objectives for coming down for these two weeks.

Cowman School in the early morning.

Matt Ayars, who is President of EBS, picked me up at Cowman yesterday and drove me to campus.  He explained how each class at the seminary meets for a single two or three hour block once a week for 12 weeks.  There is demand for youth ministry courses and for extra English language classes that the school is currently unable to staff.  A Friday language tutoring time could also use extra instructors.  There's even a need for one-on-one English writing guidance for a couple of the Haitian instructors on staff who are currently working on extending their degrees through an English language program. 

All that is to say that when Matt drove me back to the mission grounds (after a fantastic Mexican meal with a frosted cake for dessert), I was feeling like I could legitimately split my time between Cowman and Emmaus in the future and be a help at both.  I see Christ very actively at work both places and it would be a privilege to serve Him in both contexts.

If you have a moment, you should check out the Emmaus website at ebshaiti.com.

The Ayars family.

Historic Day for Cowman

WE HAVE INTERNET!  Welcome to the 21st Century, Cowman!  ;-)

The dish is high in the tree...

The router is perched on a shelf in the air conditioned library...

The students have logged on successfully and have begun the placement tests online ...

And I am updating this blog from right here at the desk in my classroom...

If all goes according to plan, Matt Ayars will be picking me up at the close of school today to take me to Emmaus Biblical Seminary and I am really looking forward to that.

I knew it was going to be a good day when I walked out of the house this morning to find my guard lizard at his post ...

... and puddles of rainwater on the sidewalk.

I am praising God for the internet connection, this school, these students, the refreshing rain and my guard lizard!  God is good.