WHILE MY WIFE IS AWAY...

I have taken an extended break from my daily writing - not intentionally and not for any reason beyond the busyness of life. But when I don't write, I miss it. It's been a useful practice for me. 

I thought this week might be a good time to restart - Melissa is away for a few days and so my evenings are a bit more open. And, I've been thinking "the sooner, the better" to restart, since I want to be fully back in the habit of writing daily before we travel to Scotland next month. 

For tonight's post, I've got fasting on my mind again. With Melissa flying to Myrtle Beach yesterday in order to help Hannah drive back home on Friday for a family friend's wedding this coming weekend - and with plenty of leftovers in the fridge for Samuel and Sarah to survive on for a few days - I thought it would be a good week for a longer fast.

It's more of a health fast than a spiritual fast. My weight keeps creeping upward and I experience a lot of sleep issues at night and brain fog during the day. Maybe my present reality is simply the aging process, but I suspect at least some, if not all, of these issues are exacerbated by my diet and eating habits. 

So, for the past 48 hours, I have consumed nothing but water and a single cup of coffee. 

(And the coffee was a mistake. I brewed it Monday morning out of habit, forgetting that I intended to break from caffeine during this fast.) 

As always, the experience of fasting is fascinating to me. 

There are hunger pangs, but they fade. There were a few headaches yesterday and this morning, but I wonder if those are caffeine withdrawals. I feel a little tired on a long walk, but I had the strength to do more pushups than ever this morning. And, at least tonight, my thinking feels clearer. I have been able to get some reading done without it putting me to sleep. 

But my biggest takeaway so far is the realization that I do not eat to survive, nor to nourish my body, nor to ease hunger. 

I eat to combat boredom. 

I've been trying to figure out why I snack constantly - even when I am not at all hungry - and I have now concluded that it is my main method of entertaining myself. 

That strikes me as weird and unhealthy. 

By "weird" I don't mean that nobody else does this. I mean it is not how God designed us to function in relation to food.

And by "unhealthy" I don't just mean that eating as escape from boredom is bound to add pounds to my midsection. I mean it points to some deeper problem in how I relate to this life that God has blessed me with.

So, unhealthy for body AND spirit.

Just as "doom scrollers" spend hours watching other people's accomplishments via online videos and never get off the couch to accomplish something meaningful in their own lives, perhaps the excitement and variety I seek in the snack drawer is blinding me to my need to find more meaningful engagement in life as a whole. 

And so I guess this HAS become a spiritual fast.