READY TO FAIL

"If you meet someone who says they’ve never failed, it means they’ve never tried to do something new, difficult, or outside their comfort zone. And that means they cannot be wise." - Jonny Thomson*

Like most human beings I know, I have a natural aversion to failure. To me, failure is the unforgiveable sin. 

I don't want to look foolish. I don't want to be reminded of my imperfections.

Maybe most of all, I don't want the world to be made conscious of my imperfections. 

After Christmas, inspired by artwork from my daughter, Hannah, I decided I wanted to try my hand at painting with watercolors. 

I absolutely love the look of watercolor as a medium, but I had never tried it - it looked too difficult to control. 

Throughout my life, my artistic endeavors have tended to end up stiff and lifeless. 

So maybe a less predictable medium is just what I need.  

I have done the easy part: I have bought all the supplies.

Now I just need to mentally prepare to fail repeatedly at putting paint on paper. 

*To become wiser, society must relearn how to fail - Big Think

A GREAT BOOK WITH A BAD TITLE

In 2019, Scott Adams published Loserthink: How Untrained Brains are Ruining the World. I don't think it ever really took off. He even mentioned his disappointment in the book's performance in his final statement to the world upon his death!

I think the problem was the title. A book like this should spread through word of mouth, but it's difficult to recommend a book called Loserthink to someone you care about. 

Plus, Adams was incessantly optimistic and the book reflects that optimism, but the subtitle comes across so negative.

It's a shame, because the book is insightful. I found it incredibly valuable for life and ministry.  

Today I want to pass along a recommendation from Adams located near the end of that book. The reading list he suggested there was worth the price I paid for Loserthink. (Especially the first two books.)

Here's what Adams wrote:

"If you want to understand the world as it is, instead of the myth of human rationality, any one of these books will set you free. I recommend reading them in this order:

Influence - by Robert Cialdini

The Power of Habit - by Charles Duhigg

Thinking, Fast and Slow - by Daniel Kahneman

Win Bigly - by Scott Adams"

Do it - your mind will be blown. 

SCOTT ADAMS HAS PASSED AND THE WORLD IS POORER

Even though I knew it was coming, it hit me harder than expected to hear of Scott Adams' death today.

If the name doesn't ring a bell, Adams was best known for creating Dilbert, the comic strip famous for mocking corporate cubicle life. 

In recent years, though, he had taken on additional roles - as an author, a political and cultural commentator, and an "internet dad". He was also a trained hypnotist and a world class pot-stirrer. 

Among secular writers, there is no contemporary non-fiction author who has had a bigger impact on shaping my own understanding of human nature. 

It was Adams who opened my eyes to perhaps the single greatest insight of my adult life. 

I can't locate it tonight, but in one of his books, Adams pointed out that we tend to think of human beings as being 90% rational and about 10% illogical. 

But according to Adams, the truth is the exact opposite: We (yes, even you and me!) are 90% emotional/illogical and MAYBE 10% rational. And we are only rational about stuff that doesn't touch our emotions directly.

When I read those words, I knew in my gut that Adams was right. 

I was completely unnerved, but I also felt like I had just been handed the key to one of life's greatest mysteries. 

Five years later, I am still unpacking all the ramifications.

Tonight I feel the urge to reread a couple of Scott Adams books. 

BOUNCING BACK

I knew my weight would bounce back up a few pounds once I ended my fast. 

There are at least three reasons:

1. You gain back some water weight once you start eating again.
2. You've once again got a gut full of food your body is processing whereas it was completely empty for a while.
3. Your body decides the famine has ended and you'd better stock up on calories in preparation for the next one. The urge to snack and overeat is strong.

On the final day of my fast, I weighed 192 in the morning. The next day - after having eaten a single meal - I was up to 194.2. That's the water weight coming back strong.

On the following day I was at 196, then 196.8 the next day, and this morning reached 198! 

Who knows where I would be if I wasn't trying to stick to Melissa's sugar fast?

I have been snacking up a storm the last few days, never feeling satisfied. I suppose what I have really craved is sugar. 

Something broke today, though. Perhaps my body gave up hope of getting the sugar it wants. 

I didn't really feel hungry until noon and then I had a spinach salad and felt pretty satisfied. Melissa made a tasty faux-potato soup for dinner. (Cauliflower stood in for the taters.) 

The best part was that my brain felt pretty fog-free and - the most amazing thing - I didn't crave an afternoon nap. 

This is huge. 

If I have to give up donuts and cookies and ice cream to gain daily mental clarity and energy, I am more than ready to do it. 

Probably.

WHAT WAS IN THAT?

Fasting has left me more attentive to the food - and "food" - that I am putting in my body and what sort of immediate and long-term effects it may have.

Take last night, for instance. 

Since it was Sarah's final night of Christmas break before heading back to college, she requested we all watch a movie together. 

So we settled in together on the basement couch and I decided - being shut out from all normal movie snacks by the ongoing sugar fast - to make myself a decaf coffee and sweeten it with some sugar-free "mocha" syrup that has been sitting on our kitchen counter for a couple of months. (Apparently, neither Melissa nor I was too crazy about the stuff after it first got opened, but neither had bothered to throw it away.) 

My coffee wasn't all that appealing, but I drank it anyway figuring my tastebuds were just disappointed at not having some popcorn or cookies.

When I hit the bed a couple of hours later, I knew immediately that sleep was not going to come easily.

Typically, I am asleep within two minutes. It's one of my superpowers.

But last night I tossed for twenty minutes before falling immediately into some truly bizarre dreams, only to regain consciousness within the first hour.

The next hour was unlike anything I have experienced. Although I was (mostly) awake, my brain continued producing dream images that were complex, with lots of small, moving parts. And each image would quickly morph into some other image - all AI-like. 

I tried praying but found it impossible to "look away" from the images and their movements.

Finally, at midnight, I pulled myself out of bed, stumbled up to the kitchen and took some Nyquil to knock myself out.

This morning I picked up that bottle of sugar-free sweetener and read the ingredients with bleary eyes, looking for any possible explanation for my bizarre night. Nothing too unusual listed: it was sweetened with stevia and monk fruit.

But then I read these words I had not noticed before: "Refrigerate after opening." 

I dumped what was left in the bottle and tossed it in recycling. 

FASTING AFTERMATH

After breaking my fast at a Mexican restaurant last night - (not recommended!) - my weight bounced back up two pounds this morning: 192 yesterday to 194 today.

I was actually surprised it wasn't more. 

On the bright side, my push-up numbers started to make a comeback, though not all the way yet. 

I wanted to eat everything today. As I anticipated, committing to joining Melissa in her sugar fast had to save me a thousand extra calories today - especially since there are still Christmas sweets around on the kitchen counter and I have a drawer full of chocolates in my home office. I even managed to say no to free donuts (my favorite kind!) at a Chamber event this morning. 

My mind was still relatively sharp today. I drank some electrolytes in the afternoon and continued to avoid coffee (and caffeine in general) to keep it that way. 

I spent the morning nibbling on various things but after lunch I decided to commit to making sure I was genuinely hungry by dinner time. This created a bit of afternoon boredom - but I know better how to deal with it now while avoiding finding entertainment in snacks. 

Overall, the fast reoriented my relationship with food in very positive ways. I will be curious to see if I drop another couple of pounds over the next two weeks of the sugar fast. 

FASTING EXPERIENCE - DAY 7

I have made it to the end of my weeklong fast. Today there was a lot of temptation to quit early. 

In a sense, I did quit a little early. I had intended to wait until tomorrow morning to eat, but technically, my week ended this evening. So, considering that Melissa had driven separately to the funeral home about 90 minutes behind me, it seemed silly to have her drive the hour back home before eating dinner, so we had an impromptu date night. It was already 7:00 pm. 

We stopped together at a local Mexican restaurant.

That might have been a mistake. I managed to stick to her sugar fast - no chips, cheese or tortillas - but I overate like I typically do at a Mexican restaurant. (Or perhaps my stomach shrank a bit temporarily!) 

Anyway, I am home now and feeling crazy sleepy, so I will keep this short.

I weighed in at 192.2 this morning after starting at 206 pre-fast. I will be curious what the scale says tomorrow after that meal tonight and how far I bounce back up over the next few days. 

I am glad Melissa is running this sugar fast because after tonight it seems pretty clear that I would be likely to just fall back into old habits immediately otherwise. 

Looking forward to tomorrow!