SOME REQUESTS FOR MY FUNERAL

I overthink absolutely everything. 

And so I am sure my family will not be surprised after my death to find some very specific thoughts on how my funeral should be conducted. 

(Yes, I have thought through the fact that I will not be around to enforce my own desires and so I am already thinking about which of my children I should take aside and make swear an oath to uphold my wishes.)

So here is a list of my funeral requests in no particular order. And I reserve the right to add to these right up until the moment I expire: 

Find me the cheapest casket possible.

And I don't want people spending a bunch of money on flowers. What a waste. (And a hassle to deal with after the funeral.) I will certainly designate some specific charity people can give to in my memory - probably Mission Resource or Cap Haitien Christian School. They need the money more than the florist does.

Make sure there is a really great potluck at church afterward. (And say, "Steve would have really loved these deviled eggs!")

Have some guts and get up and say something nice about me. And, for that matter, feel free to criticize me if you want - what do I care? Get it off your chest.

No canned music, please. A piano will suffice. A guitarist would be better and a praise band better still. 

A time of dancing - like they do in Ghana - would be super cool, but I know this particular request will not likely fly. (I guess you can be allowed to nix at least one of these requests.) 

Let's do a few songs - a mix between some old hymns and more modern praise music. (You can be certain I will leave a list of suggestions for both.)

DO NOT sing "I'll Fly Away". It's got terrible theology of death and heaven. 

And that brings me to my most important request: I need someone to use the occasion of my death to preach a proper biblical theology of death, resurrection, and the eternal life to come. 

Make sure people know:

• I will not be carousing with those who have died before me. 
• I will not be saying "Hi" to any of your previously deceased loved ones for you. 
• I will not be watching over my own loved ones from heaven. That can be a creepy thought, anyway, so I am glad it's not reality.
• I will simply not be in heaven yet. (Nobody is.)
• I will not be appearing as a cardinal in anybody's front yard.
• I will not be an angel. I will not have wings.
• I will not be playing a harp. Or fishing. Or drinking beer. Or anything else.
• I will be resting and awaiting my resurrection body. The most prominent biblical metaphor is SLEEP. 

All this is hard to convey at anyone else's funeral, although I try to do so to one degree or another whenever I am called on to officiate. It just feels like you have to step very carefully. 

For some reason, people really cherish their little extra-biblical fantasies and superstitions about death. 

So if I can't fully preach Biblical concepts regarding death at other people's funerals, the least I can hope for is to find someone to do it at mine.

Any takers?